Coronavirus Archives - claritytherapynyc.com https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/category/coronavirus/ Clarity Therapy NYC Thu, 29 Apr 2021 12:43:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.2 https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/cropped-Artboard-4@logo-150x150.png Coronavirus Archives - claritytherapynyc.com https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/category/coronavirus/ 32 32 How Video Games Give Us a Peek Into The Window of Ourselves https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/video-games/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/video-games/#respond Fri, 12 Mar 2021 05:17:23 +0000 https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/?p=12948 Do you find yourself playing video games more and more as social distancing and quarantines continue? You’re not alone. Explore your gaming.

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D o you find yourself playing video games more and more as social distancing and quarantines continue?

You’re not alone.

The Entertainment Software Association reports that in 2020, 214.4 million Americans played some type of video game. Furthermore, video games have become a central feature of people’s lives, especially since the start of the pandemic. According to Nielsen Videogame Tracking, the number of people playing video games increased 46% in the United States since the start of the pandemic.

Video games are a wide-ranging artistic medium created using computer software. In today’s world, it is easy to access games with action-adventures, role playing, puzzles, and more. Actually, the device you’re reading this on likely supports some type of video game.

Unveiling the false stereotype

The power of play, especially video games, transcend age, gender, and where we live. The long-held stereotype that only teenage boys play video games is no longer true. According to a 2020 study, more adult women endorse playing video games than children and teenagers under the age of 18.

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Video games and online gaming transcend age, gender, and where we live.

The benefits of online gaming

Playing video games can be entertaining, but there also can be psychological benefits to picking up the game controller or logging online.

  • Online gaming can be a great way to stay connected safely during the pandemic. In multiplayer games, you can jump on with friends who you may not have seen in a long time due to constraints on gathering and traveling.

  • It provides a chance to jump into an alternative reality, take a break from our own minds, and be in control.

  • Video games and online gaming teaches people how to learn and navigate systems within a virtual environment. They encourage and promote both private and social interactions. For example, Cyberpunk 2077 is an open world role playing game recently released by CD Projeckt Red. In this game, players can choose how they interact with the Cyberpunk world. From the groups they join to their appearance modifications, numerous choices and interactions are possible.

  • Online games can help us develop a wide range of skills including spatial awareness and critical thinking. For example, Call of Duty and League of Legends encourage teamwork, decision-making, and communication. The player’s success is contingent on the mastery and communication of the game’s timing and mechanics.

  • Video games and online gaming reinforce the playful process. Video games are a form of play, which is closely linked to creativity and education. When we play, we are able to develop and express curiosity and enjoyment. Donald Winnicott suggested that play was a way of reaching a person’s “true self”. This is the most authentic, creative, and vulnerable form of a person’s personality.

Taking a look into the window of our true selves

Today, it’s worth exploring our relationship with all forms of gaming. These relationships can be similar to our relationships with one another. Our relationships with video games can sometimes be beneficial and other times, it can be unhealthy or even start to impact our lives and our relationships with others. Gaming can support mental stimulation, and offer ways to connect. But when the virtual world begins to take over, it may be that it has gone too far.

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Gaming can support mental stimulation, and offer ways to connect. But when the virtual world begins to take over, it may be that it has gone too far.

How do I know if my gaming has gone too far?

If you’re finding yourself playing more despite your awareness of how it is impacting your work, school, and relationships, it may be time to reassess.

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Gaming can become a problem when it begins to disrupt your daily life. If you’re finding yourself playing more despite your awareness of how it is impacting your work, school, and relationships, it may be time to reassess.

It’s not uncommon to develop an unhealthy habit of wanting or needing to escape through online gaming or video games. The intense and growing focus on playing games may point to addictive routines that need support to help you find new balance.

Gaming addiction affects individuals of all ages and backgrounds. In fact, The World Health Organization added “gaming disorder” to the section on substance abuse and addictive behaviors in the International Classification of Diseases. There are several indications that you can look for in yourself to know whether your gaming has gone too far. If you are experiencing any of the items listed below, it may be time to seek support.

 

  1. Spending a lot of time thinking about or being preoccupied with gaming

  2. Feeling irritable, angry, sad or frustrated when gaming isn’t possible or others express concern about how much time you spend gaming

  3. Attempting to control the amount of time you spend gaming. For example, promising a partner or loved one that you’ll spend less time gaming but having difficulty doing so.

  4. Losing interest in previous hobbies and entertainment that you used to enjoy because gaming takes up most of your time now

  5. Experiencing problems at work, school, or home (such as arriving late repeatedly, procrastinating or missing deadlines, or generally having trouble finishing necessary daily tasks) due to gaming

  6. Minimizing the true nature of your gaming with family members, therapists, or others. You may experience feelings of guilt or shame and try to avoid discussion of gaming when others bring it up.

  7. Using gaming to escape reality, avoid confronting problems or responsibilities

  8. Individuals in your life have may have expressed concern or worry about the amount of time you spend gaming

  9. A job, significant relationship, education or career opportunity has been jeopardized or lost, directly or indirectly as a result of gaming

The bottom line

What’s most important is to stay aware of whether the virtual world is taking over your time and your life. This is important because we may be susceptible to using various forms of gaming as an escape during quarantine.

What’s most important is to stay aware of whether the virtual world is taking over your time and your life.

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You may have been looking for control in online gaming and now realizing it has more control over you than you do it. If you’re feeling like you’re online too often or it’s impacting your life, it’s time to take control and get the support you need to live the life you want. Therapy can help you develop a new healthy and productive relationship with online gaming. With support, it is possible to rebalance and discover a healthier relationship with online gaming.

If you’re not ready to commit to therapy or aren’t sure if your gaming is an issue, resources like Game Quitters is a great place to start. First, take their video game addiction test and then discover helpful tips that can help you quit gaming and begin to find new replacement activities.

You can lean on us and your support network for help. You’re not alone.

Your Turn: Is gaming beginning to disrupt your daily life? How have you found ways to rebalance? I’d love to hear what’s helped you in the comments below.

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How to Avoid the Trap of Groupthink https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-avoid-the-trap-of-groupthink/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-avoid-the-trap-of-groupthink/#respond Sun, 24 Jan 2021 23:39:53 +0000 https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/?p=11857 In these difficult times, we can reflect on individual consciousness and develop the capacity to differentiate from mass thinking.

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“M asses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.” – Carl Jung

It would be a vast understatement to note that we live in difficult times. We are currently plagued by a contagious virus and the viral surge of mob mentality. Lies are held as truth and the United States Capitol is stormed by bloodthirsty mobs. Millions of people have become ill from Covid-19 and many have died. A terrible marriage of sorts has arisen between both epidemics.

In instances of mob mentality individuals surrender their individual consciousness.
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Develop the capacity to differentiate from groupthink

The virus has become a political issue and politics has driven the inadequate medical and scientific response to it. As much as people struggle to find answers to the social and biological plagues, there is a common orientation that can improve both situations. It’s called consciousness. To become a conscious individual you have to be capable of doing one critical thing. You have to develop the capacity to differentiate from groupthink and the mass of opinions, both scientific and psychological.

For everything human has its origins in the psyche.

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This writing will shed some light on the idea of psychological separation. For everything human has its origins in the psyche. The best science and psychology come from the creative mind that thinks outside of the box. I am by no means claiming authority on mass or mob thinking, but I may have a few useful thoughts on the matter.

I also don’t claim to have the medical or scientific credentials to speak with great authority on the current world pandemic. Aside from teaching middle school for some time and a love for the subject, that’s the extent of my expertise. I did learn that good science demands a willingness to explore the unknown and rigid preconceived notions. Let us remember the plight of Galileo. Galileo spent many years under house arrest for proclaiming a heliocentric solar system. Earth revolves around the sun; it is not the other way around as much as you would like it to be. Good personal psychology demands as much. Do you want to continue to try to solve things, as Einstein noted, with the same kind of behavior and thinking that got you into the problem to begin with?

Do you want to continue to try to solve things, as Einstein noted, with the same kind of behavior and thinking that got you into the problem to begin with?

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There is another relational piece to the idea of mass mentality and groupthink, and a mass viral pandemic. How immune is the individual to the viruses, both physical and psychological?

Groupthink and the masses

There is another relational piece to the idea of mass mentality and a mass viral pandemic. How immune is the individual to the viruses, both physical and psychological? We know there are people who test positive with COVID-19, and yet may only experience minor symptoms. Others become quite ill and die.

Additionally, some individuals succumb to the power of a mob mentality and others are able to resist. They are able to walk away or stop the frenzy. In a sense, these individuals are not as affected in a pronounced way and seem to have a form of immunity. Like with COVID-19, we could say that their differentiated immune system sets them apart. Now this is sometimes a matter of genetics in the case of COVID-19, and can also be nurtured through a vaccine. In the case of psychological differentiation, it may take a good bit of therapy or a particularly strong moral sense to separate from the masses. We can identify such people today.

While I disagree with his politics greatly and have never been a fan, Mitt Romney set himself apart. He was the only one of his political party in the Senate who voted for President Trump’s conviction in the first impeachment trial. At significant inconvenience, he separated from the groupthink of his fellow colleagues. Unfortunately too few, if any, demonstrated that during the Capitol riot.

Examine the mob mentality, groupthink, and individuation

The mythologist Joseph Campbell had some good thinking about mass mob mentality and groupthink. He shares that in this mentality, individuals surrender their individual consciousness to a cult. The cult or its leader thinks for you. A guru often does the same. Campbell offered a story of a British prisoner during WWII. He was placed under guard in the grandstand of a massive Nazi march displaying very powerful pageantry and propaganda. He watched thousands of soldiers march with arms raised to hail Hitler. He shared that the mass mentality was so powerful that it took enormous effort to keep his own hand from lifting. But he succeeded. He was differentiated psychologically.

Yet there are many people who do not have a sense of psychological differentiation from others. Now this does not mean that a person rejects social participation to live as an isolated hermit. It does mean that one has differentiated themselves as a unique human being and knows when to join in and when to say “no thanks.”

An individual may have a different style of dress, a different lifestyle, or a tattoo. But a differentiated individual is wearing their true self.

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Carl Jung’s term for this process was called individuation. Individuation is not individuality. Many people put on the mantle of individuality through external means. An individual may have a different style of dress, a different lifestyle, or a tattoo. But a differentiated individual is wearing their true self. If they have a persona, they know it. Individuation in its core is deep, not surface changeable. The little Italian sports car that I drive may be a statement of my individuality. But it does not make me an autonomous psychological being. That takes work!

Undifferentiated people are susceptible to lies. Lies told over and over seem to be accepted as truth. Joseph Goebbles, the Nazi propaganda minister knew this well. So did the writer George Orwell in his classic “1984”. I’ll leave it to the reader to see where this familiar pattern shows up in our country today.

With little critical thinking capacity, individuals join like minded people. As Carl Jung pointed out – the greater the mass of individuals, the greater likelihood that people will be convinced of their version of the truth, and the greater the catastrophe.

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The greater the mass of individuals, the greater likelihood that people will be convinced of their version of the truth.

The need for more exploration and personal reflection

Now this is a topic that demands much more exploration and clarification beyond my few thoughts and opinions presented here. It is a topic that can lead to much misunderstanding. But it is a critical part of understanding a person’s psychology. As a practicing psychotherapist, I serve to help people understand themselves more fully. Helping a client to differentiate themself from groupthink is an important part of the process. It is important to recognize the face of groupthink in all its different disguises – religious, ethnic, cultural, and family of origin. Groupthink can serve to separate an individual from the true nature of their being. This is most likely what Jesus of Nazareth meant in the gospel of Matthew. He stated that he did not come to bring peace, but a sword. To set an individual at variance with the members of their own family.

The crucial message here is to be able to differentiate when your soul calls for it.

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It sounds harsh but the crucial message here is to be able to differentiate when your soul calls for it. It’s fine and good to be participating members of whatever group or system that provides identity and emotional grounding for us. As I get older I find comfort in my Italian-German heritage and the customs they provide. But as Joseph Campbell noted, you have to be ready to detach from them at times when the bigger picture needs to be grasped. As Campbell noted, the big picture now is our common humanity. That is, the essential unity of all beings out of which our imagination works.

Your Turn: How do you deepen your own capacity to differentiate? I’d love to hear what’s helped you in the comments below.

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Why Teachers Need Our Support Now More Than Ever https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/why-teachers-need-our-support-now-more-than-ever/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/why-teachers-need-our-support-now-more-than-ever/#respond Sat, 19 Dec 2020 03:27:27 +0000 https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/?p=9784 Teachers often take on the stress and emotions of their students. This year in particular, teachers may experience more vicarious trauma.

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In normal years, teachers often take on and hold the stress and emotions of their students. Some teachers think of themselves as second parents to these children, spending hours each day of the week with them. Believe it or not, most teachers don’t stop at caring about their students’ academic achievements. They are oftentimes the first line of support for students experiencing any social emotional struggles or concerns.

Working in a school based mental health center for years, I witnessed first-hand that it was often, if not always, the teachers who noticed when something was “off” with a student, and came to the wellness center to address this and try to get their student the support that they needed. This is no easy task, putting the emotional wellbeing of each of your students on your plate, in addition to your actual job description of giving them a quality education. I have heard of many teachers who spend their nights worried about students who shared their not so great home situation, or the student who told them about their eating disorder. We don’t often look at teachers as this first line of support to our children and adolescents, but it’s time that we start.

We don’t often look at teachers as the first line of support to our children and adolescents, but it’s time that we start.

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This year, it’s no secret that the presence of stress and negative emotions students will be bringing in will be elevated. Many students are dealing with the burden of grief and loss for the very first time. They’ve been exposed to trauma in many forms caused by the media and recent social-political movements, as well as lingering effects of isolation. When teachers care for their students, they may begin to experience vicarious trauma – indirect trauma that stems from engagement in others traumatic stories and experiences.

Aside from the feelings of their students, teachers are likely coming in with some of their own concerns as well. Whether it was the loss of a loved one, financial struggles, or the stress and self-doubt of having to adjust to this brand new virtual/hybrid learning, this year will likely not be an easy one for our educators.

Whether it was the loss of a loved one, financial struggles, or the stress and self-doubt of having to adjust to this brand new virtual/hybrid learning, this year will likely not be an easy one for teachers.
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Signs that it is time to seek help

The biggest indicator for a teacher that it might be time to seek support is burnout. Burn out refers to a state of exhaustion – on psychological, emotional, and physical levels. We begin to experience this when we feel continuously overwhelmed and stressed by life and work.

We become especially susceptible to burnout when we take our work home with us.

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We become especially susceptible to burnout when we take our work home with us. If we’re finding that we are spending hours each night thinking about our students; how can we be better virtual educators, how is that one student that we’re worried about holding up – it begins to consume our lives.

There are signs that can give us clues that we may benefit from an additional form of support.

You can notice if you’re in danger of experiencing burnout if you’re feeling a few of the physical or psychological symptoms listed below:

Psychological Symptoms of Burnout

  • Feeling more irritable
  • Loss of motivation for work
  • Having trouble feeling compassion
  • Reduced performance at work
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Excessive stress
  • Sadness or Anger
  • Anxiety
  • Difficulty Sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Feeling ineffective at work
  • Forgetfulness

Physical Symptoms of Burnout

 

  • Feeling tired more easily
  • High blood pressure
  • Headaches
  • Stomach aches or  other gastrointestinal symptoms
  • Increased susceptibility to illness
  • Loss of appetite
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Pay attention to any of your symptoms. Are you in danger of experiencing burnout?

The benefits of therapy for teachers

Teachers, like most people, would benefit from therapy as a place to debrief, learn coping skills, and process everything they take in daily. We often hear teachers describe the shocking lack of support they receive just to do their jobs on a basic level. What’s worse is that even schools that are equipped with mental health centers for the students often don’t serve the teacher population the same way.

Think about the care you give to each and every one of your students, and afford yourself that same compassion.

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When you’re on an airplane and they tell you to always put on your mask before helping others, this is for a reason. If our mask isn’t on first, we may be unable and inept to help anyone else. This is a metaphor that can be used for our mental health and self-care as well. If we aren’t taking care of ourselves, how can we possibly be there and take care of others. As a teacher, you are responsible for so many on a daily basis. It is especially important to put your mask on first! You will be the best teacher you can be if you take care of yourself first. Think about the care you give to each and every one of your students, and afford yourself that same compassion.

Therapy has many benefits for people of all ages and careers. For our teachers out there, therapy can help you:

 

  • Learn how to effectively set boundaries with colleagues, students, and parents without feeling guilty
  • Learn effective communication skills to advocate for yourself in your career and life
  • Explore and determine the safety measures that feel right for you
  • Receive support for all feelings that come up during your day to day living
  • Process the many experiences that come your way each work day
  • Better manage stress and anxiety so that you feel more in control inside and outside of the classroom
  • Learn how to leave the stresses of the work day at work, instead of “bringing them home” with you
Explore and determine the safety measures that feel right for you. Learn how to leave the stresses of the work day at work, instead of “bringing them home” with you.
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Teachers are under an enormous amount of pressure, even during the best of times. Due to the stress of being back at school during an ongoing pandemic, teachers may feel like they’re being thrown into the deep end without a life preserver.

Now more than ever it’s vital for teachers to reach out and receive care and support. These are just a few of the many benefits you can take from seeking support with a therapist. If you are, or know, a teacher who may be struggling this school year please encourage them to reach out for support.

Your Turn: How do you combat signs of burnout? What do these signs look like for you? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

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The Impact of Travel Restrictions on Mental Health https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/the-impact-of-travel-restrictions-on-mental-health/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/the-impact-of-travel-restrictions-on-mental-health/#respond Thu, 10 Dec 2020 07:00:00 +0000 http://resourceful-nonfiction.flywheelsites.com/?p=8719 The current pandemic restrictions have impacted our ability to nurture our traveling mindsets. Learn how to cope with travel restrictions.

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The current pandemic restrictions have impacted our ability to nurture our traveling mindsets. It impacts both the mindset of the traveler who seeks the adrenaline rush of facing the unknown as well as the individual who is looking for solace and a quiet release from the tensions of daily life.

The proverbial question, whether in therapy or not, remains “To what end”? Travel limitations can serve as a very real form of psychological prison whether an individual is escaping the ordinary either towards an adventure or away from a reality. We also may consider any psychological conditions that a person may already be experiencing. A person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) will very likely react to the same circumstances in a different manner than a person who is feeling depressed. When traveling is permitted, it may be now a source of tension as we attempt to navigate what feels safe.

Learn how travel restrictions may impact our mental health, and what we can do about it.


Discover what attracts you to traveling

My partner and I are both psychotherapists who have engaged in a great deal of travel. The first question to consider is what kind of travel primarily attracts you. Is it a week on a Carribean beach or high adventure? Perhaps something in between? For the two of us, adventure generally wins.

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When traveling, do you long for adventure?

Focus on the good news

The good news is that while facing travel restrictions, not everything needs to be virtual. You can still travel and explore, you just may need to look in new places.

You can still travel and explore, you just may need to look in new places.
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Currently New York State parks are open for hiking, biking, and camping. More and more destinations are open, with the necessary precautions of course.

Plan for future travel

You can use this time to enhance your travel skill sets, explore your curiosity, and develop your traveling desires through online courses. Plan your travel itinerary so you’ll be ready once things open up. It may be helpful to consider that despite the current restrictions, these times of less travel can also serve as a vessel for reflection, contemplation, and future planning.

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These times of less travel can also serve as a vessel for reflection, contemplation, and future planning.

Practice being open-minded

If you are able to be open-minded, prepare to be surprised. Some regular travelers have discovered the wonders that they would have missed had they not had the opportunity to change course in their thinking.

If you are able to be open-minded, prepare to be surprised.
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Some are even using this time as a form of Sabbatical from the usual demands of their life. Others are in the process of making major changes as they have used this time for reflection to align themselves more with the life that they want to live. See what options you have in your thinking and work from this orientation.

Find adventures in your own backyard

Our clients who usually “fly away” to different countries have discovered adventures in their own backyard – the camping trips, bonfires, outdoor cooking, and observing nature with its true colors. For the first time in our experiences with clients, they have talked about bird watching, sunsets they observed, walks, and hikes. They have discovered the Adirondacks and the Catskills for the first time. Become aware of nature and the possibilities. Rent a car or take your bike out of storage.

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Become aware of nature and the possibilities.

Ask yourself to reflect and be present

Ask yourself – why do you travel? Is it to escape, and if so, from what, from whom, from ourselves? If the answer is yes, we need to look into our lives and figure out why we aren’t able to find an adventure in our own backyard. Do we stay present? Do we notice what is around us? Are we paying enough attention to our surroundings? The bottom line is “wherever you go, here you are..” and it is up to us to make our life happen.

Create the possibilities

We both are travel addicts and we travel at least two times a year to exciting destinations. Remember that “small” and seemingly “not important” trips can become the highlight of the season. This summer, we went camping under the stars with our dog, which was a great experience. If not for the limitations of international travel, we would not have discovered this adventure.

There is a life out there if we want to create it, but possibly, it takes more effort to create magic.
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It’s true that we did skip restaurants and bars but we experimented with fine home cuisine and drinks outside, picnic style. There is a life out there if we want to create it, but possibly, it takes more effort to create magic.


The bottom line of traveling

We can remind ourselves that there’s plenty of opportunities to experience life, even though it feels restricted lately. There is power in finding gratitude for being alive. This will pass and we should all be checking in with ourselves moment-by-moment to make sure we are getting our needs met.

Your Turn: How will you remind yourself that there are still limitless possibilities for adventures amidst travel restrictions? Share what helps you cope in the comments below.

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Homesickness During a Pandemic https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/homesickness-during-a-pandemic/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/homesickness-during-a-pandemic/#respond Tue, 15 Sep 2020 08:23:45 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=4636 A secondary cost of the pandemic has been the impact of lockdowns and social isolation on mental health. These impacts often manifest in increased loneliness or feelings of homesickness, especially for those who live apart from their families and homeland.

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While COVID rates in the United States seem to be decreasing, the global count continues to rise, and international travel remains difficult. While much of the media’s focus this spring and summer has been on COVID-19 infections and deaths, it’s important to remember that a secondary cost of the pandemic has been the impact of lockdowns and social isolation on mental health. These impacts often manifest in increased loneliness or feelings of homesickness, especially for those who live apart from their families, homeland and culture. 

 

How is homesickness different from loneliness?

While homesickness and loneliness can feel familiar, there are subtle differences in these emotional responses. Homesickness is a yearning for reconnection to a place or person that provides us with a sense of stability and comfort. While the feeling is often associated with a physical space or locale, it can also be related to a community or culture that is geographically dispersed. Loneliness, however, is a feeling of disconnect from those around us.

This distinction explains why someone might feel homesick when away from their family or childhood home, but why people are also capable of feeling lonely when around others or in their own homes. It’s important to remember that homesickness and loneliness are natural responses, and that significant life changes or transitions, such as those brought on by a pandemic, often cause instinctual feelings of disconnection.

While many families are learning to connect across digital platforms, people with families in different time zones may find it harder to coordinate virtual social gatherings.

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For immigrants, and people living outside their country of origin, feelings of loneliness and homesickness may be exacerbated—especially given current guidelines on global travel. Sometimes when we have family that live outside of the country, it can be difficult to feel connected to them. While many families are learning to connect across digital platforms, people with families in different time zones may find it harder to coordinate virtual social gatherings.

Zoom happy hours and morning FaceTime check-ins become more difficult when you’re navigating multiple time zones. I often recommend letter-writing and postcards as a way to connect with family outside of the U.S., explaining that these thoughtful activities can create a greater sense of bonding and often feels more intimate.

While apps like Zoom, WhatsApp, Skype, and Google Hangouts are most frequently used for live interactions, you can also send pre-recorded video or audio recordings to family and friends abroad. Recording a vlog or oral history of your day or week may feel more meaningful than a regular text or voicemail. Perhaps a nighttime recap or plans for the upcoming day can create a sense of inclusion if shared with loved ones.

Homesickness for your country of origin may be accompanied by feelings of disconnection from your current country of residence.
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Homesickness is a natural response that may be a signal to seek support

Homesickness for your country of origin or cultural heritage may be accompanied by feelings of disconnection from your current country of residence. This emotional response is also natural, and may manifest as feeling that we are not understood or seen by those around us. For this reason, it’s important to seek out communities, groups, or spaces where there is common ground, and opportunities for peer support.

While in-person interactions are still risky, many cultural clubs, local organizations, and support groups have taken their activities online. Connecting with communities and groups in your area does not mean you need to ignore or reject your feelings of homesickness. We do this not in an effort to dismiss the yearning for family in a different country, but to remind ourselves of the various connections we can make today.

Connecting with communities and groups in your area does not mean you need to ignore or reject your feelings of homesickness.

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The pandemic has forced many people to remain physically distant from friends and family, but it’s increasingly important to remember that safe and risk-mitigating opportunities for socialization still exist. The term “social distancing” is in many ways a misnomer, and some have misinterpreted the term to mean that all social connections should be severed. Of course most of us don’t actually want to do that, but the subconscious implications can often lead us in that direction. I prefer the term “physical distancing” given this practice may be a part of daily life for months and even years to come as reminders to stay connected to our support networks. 

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If you’re struggling with feelings of homesickness or loneliness, meditate on the meaning of the word “home,” and consider what it means to you.

Find comfort by cultivating your own meaning of “home” 

Apps and technology that allow for social connection are crucial right now, but remember that connections to home can also be forged internally. Remind yourself of who your resources and support networks are, at times when you feel alone, or keeping a list that you can refer back to. Sometimes the simple reminder that a support network exists can be enough. 

We can often cultivate the energy of someone’s presence and the sense of “home” in the ways we make space for it in our immediate surroundings. If you’re struggling with feelings of homesickness or loneliness, meditate on the meaning of the word home, and consider what it means to you. Telling yourself, “I have everything I need inside me,” can be a helpful strategy when feelings of yearning are present.

We often forget that the feeling of “home” can be cultivated within ourselves. By making space for these feelings, we are welcoming all parts of ourselves into the present moment. That in itself can sometimes give us a sense of home or belonging, because it reminds us that when we welcome all parts of ourselves – even the discomfort of homesickness – that we are still whole, complex humans.

Your Turn: Have you or someone you love ever experienced homesickness? Share what helps you cope in the comments below.

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How to Embrace Change https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-embrace-change/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-embrace-change/#respond Fri, 10 Jul 2020 08:00:00 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=3410 Wanting things to go back to “normal,” also known as “the way things used to be,” is one of humankind’s most basic and universal tendencies. There’s comfort in the familiar, especially when you’re looking backwards.

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Wanting things to go back to “normal,” also known as “the way things used to be,” is one of humankind’s most basic and universal tendencies. There’s comfort in the familiar, especially when you’re looking backwards. But by learning to embrace change, you can bring much more joy into your life.

I see proof of this desire to return to the past on a near-daily basis. Often, I’ll hear my clients remark at the beginning of our first session together, “I want to feel the way I used to feel,” or, “I want to get that spark back from when my partner and I first met.”

By learning to embrace change, you can bring much more joy into your life.

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While these feelings are valid and understandable, they don’t always serve us. In the words of analytical psychologist Carl Jung, “Life has always to be tackled anew.”

It’s a beautiful reality, when you consider it: Everything in the universe is in constant motion, expanding exponentially, and our psyches are no exception. Trying to recreate an idealized point in your past not only summons feelings of frustration and insatiable nostalgia, it also ignores the fact that you’ve evolved since that time in your life. You’re a different person than you were before—whether it be last year, last month, or yesterday.

Trying to return to a moment or feeling from the past simply isn’t possible as the person you are now, since you would experience even identical circumstances differently.

In each moment lies an opportunity to reinvent ourselves.

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This may sound discouraging, but it’s an empowering concept if you can accept it, because it means that in each moment lies an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. We know that from one day to the next our world may change greatly, for better or worse; yet we, too, are always adapting, shifting, and evolving with the flow of the universe. Nothing is static. In nature, organisms that do not successfully adapt to a changing environment atrophy and die.

 

Life as we knew it was flipped upside-down by the coronavirus pandemic, and it may be awhile before things return to “normal.” Most of us know on some level that this will be a “new normal” that will look a bit different than before.

We are always adapting, growing, and evolving with the flow of the universe.
Embrace Change

Life always has to be tackled anew.

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Just as we cannot recreate the past as our current selves, so our societies cannot function precisely as they did before this global upheaval. Sure, things will feel strange as we adapt to a new way of living. For many, the path of change is paved with mourning and grief of lost loved ones.

Embracing The Possibility of Change
For some, the path towards change is paved with mourning and grief of lost loved ones.

But perhaps some may be able look back at times during quarantine with some degree of nostalgia. For many of us, it was a forced but in ways welcome pause from the daily grind as we finally got to turn inwards and take time for ourselves and our families.

As we continue to make sense of the new world ahead, we should remember lessons from the pandemic—one of which is that the only constant in life is change, and therefore something to be embraced.

Your Turn: Let us know how you have worked to embrace change in your life in the comments below.

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Quarantine Loneliness? Why Some People Are Missing Their Exes https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/loneliness-quarantine-missing-ex/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/loneliness-quarantine-missing-ex/#respond Fri, 15 May 2020 14:00:00 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=2419 There are many reasons why people miss their exes right now. The most obvious being that feelings of loneliness and isolation are amplified in these times of social distancing.

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There are many reasons why people miss their exes right now. The most obvious being that feelings of loneliness and isolation are amplified in these times of social distancing. However our psychological need to reconnect with a romantic partner from the past goes beyond wanting to feel less alone.

Keep reading to learn the reasons that may explain why some people may be missing their exes more than others right now.

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1.The Mind is Solution-Focused

Right now we’re feeling lonely and maybe even experiencing a lot of existential dread. This may be surrounding our choices or the status of our relationships. So how do we solve this acute loneliness that’s currently plaguing our reality? The quick and easy solution for many people is to go through their Rolodex of intimate relationships, so it’s a no-brainer that your ex would come to mind. When we think about past relationships, we often focus on where we went wrong and how we could fix things if given the opportunity.

When we think about past relationships, we often focus on where we went wrong and how we could fix things if given the opportunity.
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2. A False Belief That a Relationship Can Fix Our Problems

If we’re feeling lonely, regret, or self doubt, these are all pain points that we naturally want to alleviate. A way to soothe these pain points is to adopt the false belief system that a relationship will fix the problem (or at the very least help us feel happier). Thinking about an ex may also be comforting for some and therefore may seem like the remedy to our negative feelings. When we’re motivated to squelch negative emotions, it can become even more tempting to reach out.

3. Feelings of Nostalgia are Powerful

Human beings are nostalgic by nature. People like to reminisce and to look back on the good times, or fantasize about what could have been. When we look at the past with feelings of longing, it’s easy to confuse nostalgia for a true sense of intimacy. These warm and fuzzy feelings can be intense and powerful, however they can be misleading if we’re so hyper-focused on the good times that our minds distort what the relationship was really like.

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Thinking about an ex may be comforting for some and therefore may seem like the remedy to our negative feelings.

4. Mistaking Feelings of Intensity for Intimacy

Similar to nostalgia and longing, people often confuse intense, emotion-filled moments within a relationship for true intimacy. Maybe you can recall a friend in a drama-filled relationship labeling her couple as ‘passionate’ instead of recognizing what everybody else saw as clearly unhealthy. It’s normal that if we miss an ex, these feelings of loneliness, regret, and longing are especially intense right now. When we reach out to an ex, we’re likely just going to experience more intensity, instead of the intimacy we’re truly craving.

People often confuse intense, emotion-filled moments within a relationship for true intimacy.

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5. Idealizing the Past

This also ties into nostalgia. People have a tendency to paint a rosy picture of the past. We see this frequently in long distance relationships where people more easily remember the good and forget the bad. It’s convenient in the short term however it’s potentially problematic. We’re all in long distance relationships right now in this ‘new normal.’ Just like when you’re dating someone long distance, you get to imagine them at their best and idealize them. The distance allows you to project your needs and desires onto that person to create the ‘perfect’ partner. Then you conveniently forget the reality of the situation because it’s easy to forget about the problems and disappointments when you’re not physically with that person.

Remember the lessons that you learned from the relationship ending and let it stay in the past.
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6. Forgetting Why You Broke Up

Remind yourself that didn’t work out for a reason. It’s common for people to regress into this ‘Magical Thinking’ mode where they are under duress; living in a fantasy world instead of reality provides a pleasant escape and is soothing in the short term. But in a far-off fantasy world they forget that the relationship ended for valid reasons and that they are in fact happier or better off having left that relationship behind. You want to try to remember the lessons that you learned from the relationship ending and let it stay in the past. Don’t try to resurrect the past.

What if I want to Reach Out to my Ex?

If you want to reach out, ask yourself why you feel motivated to and evaluate the quality of your energy. Are you reaching out because you’re genuinely curious about how they’re doing and want to wish them well? Or are you only focused on your own needs and looking for a quick and easy dopamine hit?

Just because you’re feeling lonely doesn’t mean you should cross someone’s boundaries.

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Every situation is unique, but a safe rule is to always err on the side of caution and be reflective and respectful of boundaries. You don’t want to reach out to someone who’s clearly said that they need space. Just because you’re feeling lonely doesn’t mean you should cross someone’s boundaries. To do so would be intrusive and a violation of their emotional space. On the flipside, sometimes distance allows you to gain a sense of gratitude and compassion. Reaching out might be appropriate if there’s a high probability that you and your ex are both emotionally mature enough to see that it’s coming from a genuine place. This feels much different compared to someone reaching out as an act of desperation or simply to make themselves feel better. For example, a heartfelt message along the lines of, “I was just thinking of you and wanted to see how you are,” feels more benevolent and less exploitative.
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Feelings of loneliness, longing, and heartbreak are emotional signals that there’s still healing left to be done.

What if I’m Still Tempted to Get Back With My Ex?

A key to getting through life is learning how to heal heartbreak. Your feelings of loneliness, longing, and heartbreak are emotional signals that there’s still healing left to be done. Practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness, and extend that compassion for your ex by not acting on impulses.

Don’t Act Impulsively.

Not acting on a whim also promotes healing and simultaneously protects and honors that experience. For some, this may be the right time to do some forgiveness work. Maybe you’re having residual negative feelings towards an ex, or maybe you need to forgive yourself for how things fell apart. Focus on self-healing by engaging in loving kindness meditations and acknowledging your heartbreak.

Negative feelings are cues to work on self-compassion and self-forgiveness so that you can continue healing.

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Feelings of Loneliness Are Normal Right Now.

Idealizing the past, confusing intensity for intimacy, and forgetting why you broke up are all human experiences that are amplified in these times of social distancing. When you’re feeling intense emotions, remind yourself that getting back with your ex isn’t going to fix how you’re feeling, or any previous relationship problems you had.

When the urge to reach out persists, get curious about the ‘why’ behind your motives before hitting send. Take negative feelings as a cue to work on self-compassion and self-forgiveness so that you can continue healing.

 

 

Your Turn: Are you struggling with feelings of loneliness during this period of self-isolation? Have you been missing your ex? Let us know how you’ve been coping in the comments below.

Here’s to Love, Clarity + Staying Strong Together,

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10 Practical Tips to Help You Cope with Coronavirus Stress https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/10-coping-tips-for-coronavirus-stress/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/10-coping-tips-for-coronavirus-stress/#respond Tue, 12 May 2020 18:13:48 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=2361 Many people who may have never felt a need for mental health services are now struggling with increased anxiety, depression, and isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic.

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Many people who may have never felt a need for mental health services are now struggling with increased anxiety, depression, and isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Below are 10 Practical Coping Techniques for Dealing with coronavirus stress that we’ve been putting into practice:

1. Confront Tasks You’ve Been Avoiding

Whether they be mundane tasks you’ve been pushing off because they’re joyless, or creative endeavors you’ve been resisting and avoiding out of fear, self-criticism, or perfectionism, now is the time to rise to the challenge. By confronting these tasks and getting curious about why you may be procrastinating, you’re more likely to be able to clear out mental clutter that may be burdening you and robbing your energy.

When it comes to procrastination, lookout for your inner critic who may be stopping you. Instead of admonishing yourself for not acting sooner, shift the narrative to be more forgiving and service focused.

I like to remind myself that if you don’t put that creative project out in the world, no one else will. In this way, by withholding creative endeavors and avoiding putting it out there for people to potentially benefit – even if it’s just one person who benefits – you’re denying its therapeutic potential and robbing it from the universe.

Give yourself to share, even if there’s trepidation.

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By confronting tasks you’ve been avoiding, you’ll actually be able to clear out mental or physical clutter that may be burdening you.

2. Reconnect, then Stay Connected with Loved Ones

Social isolation doesn’t have to be emotional isolation. Even before the coronavirus began sweeping its way around the world, many of us were so preoccupied by the things that needed our attention that our relationships suffered because of it.

Plan to take this time to reach out to people you may have fallen out of touch with. In doing so, you’re acknowledging your needs and reminding yourself and others that, now more than ever, we need to support each other.

Allow yourself to give and receive that support.

When it comes to procrastination, lookout for your inner critic who may be stopping you.

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3. Meditate and Practice Mindfulness

Meditation has nothing but positive effects on immune functioning, and now is the time to put it into good use. Many people are feeling anxious about the state of the world, and not knowing how long we’ll have to wait out this crisis. Coronavirus stress and anxiety projects a lot of fear into the world.

Being in a fear-based state puts a strain on your nervous system and body, and could actually hurt your immune functioning. Practice mindfulness meditation—which asks that we live in each moment with intention—and challenge yourself to focus on hope and trust in the future, affirming the belief that humanity is resilient and innovative in the face of crisis.

Allow yourself to be in this moment.

4. Stay Physically fit, Occupied in Body and Spirit

Physical activity can help reduce some coronavirus stress you may be feeling. Just because you can’t go to the gym doesn’t mean you have to be idle and sedentary. In reality, there are plenty of low-impact exercises you can do to stay fit, so get creative.

The simpler, the better!

Start with a hundred or so of something every day at your home: 100 sit-ups, jumping jacks, push-ups, squats, or whatever feels right. Maybe for you that’s yoga, Pilates, or Plyometrics.

Many fitness experts are posting their favorite at-home workouts online. The resources are endless and at your fingertips so follow them, and follow along.

Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day of at-home exercising, it’s important to stay occupied in body and in mind. 

After all, movement is medicine, so allow yourself to get moving. 

“Remind yourself that if you don’t put that creative project out in the world, no one else will.”

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5. Strive for Self-Improvement

Each of us is always learning, both passively and actively. Listen to an audiobook on a topic or self-improvement subject that you find enjoyable. Listening, being receptive, and rehearsing what you’re hearing will improve your ability to articulate and share what you’re absorbing. The more time you dedicate to listening to an author who positively impacts you, the more empowered you’ll feel to act. It’s simple, yet highly effective and rewarding. Allow yourself to get creative and grow.

The simple act of creating this separation and physically replicating your professional routine can help make your day feel just a little more mentally contained.

6. Protect your Living and Working Spaces by Creating Mental Separation

When dealing with coronavirus stress, it’s important to maintain and replicate your daily routine, especially if you live in tight quarters with others or don’t normally work from home. For many it helps to wake up, shower and get dressed as though you’re going into the office, even if it’s on the casual side.

You don’t want to stay in your PJ’s or in bed all day. The simple act of creating this separation and physically replicating your professional routine can help make your day feel just a little more mentally contained.

Allow yourself to create separation.

7. Declutter to Unburden Your Mind and Space

“Spring Cleaning” your personal space of items that no longer spark joy can be an extremely freeing process, especially if you donate them (at the appropriate time, of course). While tempting, don’t try to take on more than you can realistically handle right now. Maybe today that means tackling a kitchen drawer, closet, or corner of a room, rather than your entire home in one go.

The goal is to gradually unburden, not to overwhelm yourself.

Allow yourself to let things go.

Whether through visualization exercises or physiological methods to help you balance your sympathetic nervous system, these relaxation techniques can help you better manage your coronavirus stress or anxiety. Try to implement a variety of these practical relaxation techniques and notice the difference in how you feel afterwards.

8. Create Opportunities to Help Others

Every act of kindness in the world counts, and this is a time when the world needs it most.

Anything people can do to demonstrate kindness to those in need, to be conscientious of people who are at risk and vulnerable, is as important now as ever.

Ask yourself the simple question, “What can I do to positively impact someone else’s day?”

While tempting, don’t try to take on more than you can realistically handle right now. To combat coronavirus stress, the goal is to gradually unburden, not to overwhelm yourself.

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9. Practice Gratitude. 

This is a time to remember not to take anything for granted and to reflect on what’s truly important.

Practice affirming thoughts such as, “I’m grateful for my health,” “I’m grateful to have delicious and varied foods in my refrigerator,” and “I’m grateful to be able to do my work remotely and for clients who are sticking with me through this.” When we practice gratitude, what we have suddenly becomes enough.

Allow yourself to take time to focus your attention on the things you have to be grateful for, no matter how small.

10. Reflect on Your Purpose

Use this time to reflect on how you’re using your time, energy, and money, and honestly ask yourself: “What would I be doing if I gave myself permission to totally shift my life?” You don’t need to turn your life upside down or make impulsive decisions to use this inflection point to gain clarity.

But this is an opportune time to confront ourselves, remind ourselves that we are each responsible for our own lives, and then do something about it. No one has more control over your life than you.

Allow yourself to reflect and appreciate opportunities that exist to expand your consciousness and your life.

The good news is that while the weight of the world may feel like it’s on your shoulders, remember that we’re in this together. Everything you need is already inside of you and by exercising even some of these techniques you may find that you experience less coronavirus stress and dread on a daily basis. Take measures to implement these practical ten coping tips into action today.

Your Turn: What techniques do you use to reduce coronavirus stress? Let us know in the comments below!

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5 Essential Spring Cleaning Tips for the Mind During Coronavirus https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/5-spring-cleaning-tips-for-the-mind/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/5-spring-cleaning-tips-for-the-mind/#respond Wed, 29 Apr 2020 18:13:54 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=2336 Learn some practical tips you can use to clear the unnecessary and unhelpful clutter from your mind.

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As people around the world find themselves indoors and with a bit more time on their hands, some of us may experience a strong desire for some change and some spring cleaning. When things in our environment feel out of our control, it’s helpful to develop healthy self-soothing practices, and improving the livability of our space is an effective coping strategy.

Simply by maintaining a well-organized space we can benefit from an improved sense of clarity and calm. After all, Marie Kondo’s approach of asking oneself “Does this spark joy?” helped millions of people shed mounds of clutter that was weighing them down.

But what about the clutter taking up space in our minds? Necessary self-isolation means we’re not able to maintain normal interactions with our support systems. Many of us have family, health, job or financial worries which leads to increased anxiety, stress, depression, and loneliness. Maybe we’re also dealing with grief because a loved one has been affected by the virus.

Below are some practical tips you can implement to clear the unnecessary and unhelpful clutter from your mind.

1. Start with 1% for your spring cleaning

The important thing is to not get overwhelmed and attempt to change everything at once; that’s where people often fail. Start with the least daunting activity and begin putting everything into perspective. Fifteen minutes is only 1% of your day, so reframe it in your mind like you are only taking 1% of your day to make a significant improvement to your overall health.

Each morning is a brand new start and a whole new beginning. Don’t take the past with you today; wake up with a clean slate.

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Slowly start to implement this 1% into your regular routine and you’ll begin to see (and feel) improvements in your life:

In the Morning: Each morning is a brand new start and a whole new beginning. Don’t take the past with you today; wake up with a clean slate.

Use your morning to honor and connect with a shared sense of humanity. Shift your mindset by sending loving compassion to each person you pass on your drive or walk. Sending loving energy to others can quickly shift your consciousness from the negative to the positive, and shift your mind away from anxiety you were feeling.

In the Evening: Each evening, cleanse your mind and prepare yourself for sleep. Don’t drag mental baggage from the day around with you into bed, especially as you wind down.

For those of us who are working or staying exclusively at home, we no longer have this physical separation of work and home. Try to implement your own physical reset. If you can, leave your home and simply walk once around the block. Once you pass the threshold or your front door or building, commit to leaving your stress, anxiety, worry or sadness at the door.

Meditation, yoga, physical fitness, reading, and/or cooking are all great spring cleaning activities that can help bridge the gap between your daily activities to winding down at home. Instead of answering emails all day and evening, set yourself a time to officially unplug, just as you would when you turn off your computer for the night and head home.

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Meditation, yoga, physical fitness, reading, and/or cooking are all great spring cleaning activities that can help bridge the gap between your daily activities to winding down at home.

2. Designate time to reflect

Have you ever noticed the more you try to avoid a negative feeling, the more powerful it seems to become? When negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, depression, grief or worry become overwhelming we can reduce their impact by leaning in.

You can combat this by setting aside a few moments a day to let yourself acknowledge and be curious about your negative emotions. Are you resentful because you haven’t communicated your needs? Are you holding onto past heartbreak? Are you projecting your fear onto others and imagining a dark future?

Physical space allows room for mental space, so decluttering your personal space can serve as a symbolic way to rid your mind of negative thoughts.

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Get curious about your feelings, validate them, and see how there are solutions available to you. Once your designated reflection time is up, commit to moving through your day with the positive energy of increased insight into the things that bring down your mood.

Paradoxically, you may find that by experiencing and appreciating your negative emotions instead of trying to escape them or drown in them, you start to feel wiser and stronger.

3. Adopt powerful mantras

Personal mantras are an excellent way to refocus and reaffirm relaxing, positive emotions. Some favorites are “Life starts now”, “Now is the only moment that matters”, “Life flows through me in this moment, and in each moment”, and “Everything I need already exists within me”. Pick a focus affirmation that resonates and feels most natural to you.

Whatever combination of words that feels right and good is your mantra. Your mantra can evolve over time to best suit you in any given moment or circumstance.

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Personal mantras are an excellent way to refocus and reaffirm relaxing, positive emotions.

4. Organize & declutter

Physical space allows room for mental space, so decluttering your personal space can serve as a symbolic way to rid your mind of negative thoughts. Pick one corner of the room or one drawer and begin to declutter or organize. The goal is to eliminate what no longer serves you.

Try the Marie Kondo approach and ask yourself honestly: “Does this Spark Joy?” If it doesn’t then thank it for serving its purpose, retire it, and allow yourself to let it go. Your newly cleansed and transformed physical space can help you feel lighter, calmer and more at ease.

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Decluttering your personal space can serve as a symbolic way to rid your mind of negative thoughts.

5. Give back to the universe during spring cleaning

Once you’ve decluttered and organized your space you may have some things to pass on that are still in good condition. By donating something, buying something or investing in something related to your own wellbeing you’re promoting the flow of money or things throughout the universe.

Why cling to something that you don’t need when it could flow through and potentially improve someone else’s life? Your conscientious donation aligns with and maintains the ever changing flow of the universe.

During this time remember to not only take care of your physical space but also your mental headspace. By not waiting until we’re in a desperate mental headspace, and instead committing to periodic spring cleaning “check ups” we can effectively reset and improve our mental health for free.

Your Turn: How do you like to spring clean your mindset? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

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How to Cope with Strange Emotions in the Time of COVID-19 https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-cope-covid-19/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-cope-covid-19/#respond Thu, 23 Apr 2020 06:12:31 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=1611 Social distancing may lead to more elusive emotional experiences that appear unique to the current situation. Here's how to cope with them.

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During the coronavirus pandemic, we’ve noticed many of our clients are experiencing difficulty identifying and labeling their feelings. The entire human race is experiencing a collective trauma that’s reminiscent of a wartime era. Most people have never experienced anything like this before, and with this type of unprecedented event comes a great deal of psychic fallout, without much knowledge of how to cope with this strange new landscape. 

While isolation and confinement may lead to easily identifiable responses such as anxiety, loneliness, or depression, we’re also seeing acute, more elusive emotional experiences that appear unique to the current situation.

Here are 7 of those more elusive emotions, as well as steps you can take to soothe yourself. Jump to one you may be struggling with, or read through them all below.

1. Losing a Sense of Time

“The Great Pause” button has been hit on our normal daily routines as we answer the call to self-quarantine. We’re no longer commuting to work, seeing many friends or family (if any), celebrating holidays, or fully experiencing the seasons change. Days turn into weeks and time continues to pass with a humming and mind-numbing monotony.

Life outside of confinement has also come to a screeching halt with the exception of a few industries, so for many there’s no benchmark or anchor that business and life is carrying on as usual. This experience of our lives essentially being frozen in time and having to wait is very unsettling, and it makes our experience of time nebulous, or “mushy.”  

How to Cope with Losing a Sense of Time

Practice mindfulness. Pay extra attention to your sensory experience the next time your window is open or you’re on a walk.

What’s your experience of nature? Instead of focusing on the unsettling images of the pandemic—the shuttered storefronts, people wearing masks—really take a moment to pause and focus on Mother Nature.

Be intentional about keeping a small daily routine. The days may blend into one another more easily if we pass the entire day in pajamas on the couch watching TV. This isn’t to say you should force a routine of productivity; it’s about finding what feels right for you. This may mean incorporating small amounts of structure into your day. Something as simple as making sure you’re eating, waking up, and going to sleep at your usual times ensures your sleep cycle and nutrition don’t get derailed, which is essential to learning how to cope with this new reality.

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Be intentional about keeping a small daily routine. This isn’t to say you should force a routine of productivity; it’s about finding what feels right for you.

2. Anticipatory Anxiety

There’s a great deal of anticipatory anxiety about events that may occur as a result of this pandemic. People are experiencing so much uncertainty and asking themselves, “How long will this last? Will I lose my job? Do I have enough in savings to ride this out? Is the government assistance going to be enough? What will happen if I get sick?”

The truth is we don’t know when things will go back to normal, and that uncertainty is difficult to manage. Anxiety is often a result of ruminating about future events that haven’t happened yet. 

How to Cope with Anticipatory Anxiety

Focus as much as possible on what you have control over in the present moment. Start with identifying one worry that is in your control and approach it with curiosity in order to find a solution. For many of our clients, the best place to start is by simply identifying that they do indeed have control over how much power they give their worries. Reduce the power your anxious thoughts hold over you by making this commitment to yourself every day when you wake up.

This is a pandemic, not a plane crash, and the slow drip of disaster news reporting amplifies and reinforces negative emotions.

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3. Grief and Loss

Many people are experiencing grief and loss reactions during this time but don’t realize that’s what they’re feeling until it’s labeled for them. Being able to recognize and accept the more intangible losses we face because of this pandemic can be profound: loss of community, loss of trust in our government or leaders, loss of how things were, our “normal” way of life, loss of financial stability or being able to provide for our families, loss of feeling like the world is a safe place.

This type of grief is harder for people to identify—and therefore, to know how to cope with—because there’s no public funeral or formal recognition for what they’re feeling. 

How to Cope with Grief and Loss

Even though we’re experiencing this on a large scale, it’s important that you give yourself permission to grieve and recognize the loss and how it’s impacted you personally. Depending on our life circumstances, we experience it in our own way (some may even outright deny any losses). It’s common to experience the same stages of grief just as you would when you grieve a loved one who’s passed.

Explore and talk about what you’re experiencing with a trusted partner, friend, or therapist to work through your feelings associated with the loss.

One of the first steps in learning how to cope with this “new normal” is to give yourself permission to grieve, and to recognize the loss you’re experiencing.

4. Guilt, Shame, and Self-Criticism

On social media, we’re seeing people post their daily schedules, which basically amount to highlight reels. This is the rule of perfection for social media; why would there be an exception or day off during a pandemic?

We’re seeing our friends’ and bloggers’ productive schedules, which include the toughest workouts, Michelin-star-level gourmet meals, picture-perfect family activities, inspirational monologues, all the while continuing to thrive in their jobs and relationships despite quarantine. People are obsessing over productivity.

There’s a quote going around that says something along the lines of, “If you don’t come out of this with a new side hustle, skill, or knowledge, it wasn’t about not having the time.” People are shaming each other if they’re not productive enough or they’re being overly self-critical if they’re not using this “down time” to be productive. 

Adopt the motto ‘Alert but not anxious.’ Make a conscious decision to not to let fear or anxiety consume you.

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How to Cope with Guilt, Shame, and Self-Criticism

Remind yourself that this isn’t a paid vacation. It’s okay to not be a super high achiever, it’s okay to not force yourself into hyperproductivity mode. During periods of stress we all function and cope differently, so why would now be any different?

Start with being a bit more compassionate and forgiving toward yourself. Many people aren’t even aware of the self-critical or judgemental thoughts they tell themselves. We get used to our thoughts just floating around in our minds and accept them as our internal reality.

It’s time to turn up the volume on your awareness of your inner dialogue. What are you telling yourself? Then ask yourself what you would say to a friend who’s experiencing similar guilt over productivity. Would you tell your friend to do more than what they feel they can right now? Of course not! Talk to yourself as you would a friend and challenge self-defeating thoughts, especially ones that include “shoulds” and “musts.”

 

5. Anger

The myth that America is invincible simply because we’re a wealthy, powerful nation has been shattered. Until now, things like pandemics always seemed to happen in faraway places with oceans between us. Once it arrived on our soil and our efforts to contain the pathogen really mattered, our healthcare system has proven itself completely unprepared to provide even the most basic protective measures to frontline workers. There’s anger with our leadership, or the lack of leadership, the lack of action, and lack of empathy. 

How to Cope with Anger

Acknowledge the anger and, more importantly, what’s underneath. Anger is often a mask for grief. Allow yourself to feel both the anger and sadness, and use them as fuel for action. Where can you help or make a difference for someone else? Can you donate a meal to frontline workers? Offer to pick up an elderly neighbor’s groceries? Call your state legislators to demand reform?

Even if it’s just a matter of offering kindness or comfort to someone, identify how you can channel these feelings productively.

With this type of unprecedented experience comes a variety of emotions. The good news is there are actionable steps you can take today to ground and soothe yourself.
finding joy

6. Heartbreak and Sadness

People are experiencing collective grief and injustice. Returning to grief, we may experience sadness surrounding the loss of loved ones, friends, or colleagues due to the virus itself, or sadness due to other intangible losses given the current state of the world. Some people may still be feeling shock, numbness, or anger. Once those emotions wear off and the quarantine is lifted, people may experience these powerful emotions if they haven’t already.

How to Cope with Heartbreak and Sadness

Similar to grief, it’s important to you give yourself permission to feel sad and the emotions that may follow. This is often a stage of grief, and it’s vital to work through the emotion instead of trying to stifle its expression. Not crying doesn’t mean you’re expressing it incorrectly; this is a highly personal experience.

Allow yourself to just experience your feelings without self-judgement or criticism. Don’t be afraid to talk about your sadness with trusted friends or family—they may also be struggling with the same feelings.

 

This type of grief is harder to identify—and therefore, to know how to cope with—because there’s no public funeral or formal recognition for these feelings.

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7. Fear

There’s a lot of fear surrounding this pandemic because there are so many unknowns. When this first started, we witnessed a knee-jerk panic reaction manifested in the form of sold-out grocery store aisles and people hoarding more than necessary. When people are afraid they go into survival mode, and that’s what we were seeing.

We don’t know how long this will last, how long we’ll have to quarantine, or when life will return to the normal we once knew. The virus is new, so we don’t have life-saving vaccines, therapies, or even herd immunity at the ready. On top of the fear of getting infected or possibly dying, it also feels like we’re defending ourselves against an uncontrollable, invisible enemy.

How to Cope with Fear

Adopt the motto “Alert but not anxious.” Make a conscious decision to not let fear or anxiety consume you. Follow health officials’ proposed guidelines to wash your hands, avoid touching your face, and take the necessary precautions when you must leave your home.

Remain informed by checking the news once a day, but limit your overall news consumption. Don’t leave the news running all day in the background.

This is a pandemic, not a plane crash, and the slow drip of disaster news reporting amplifies and reinforces negative emotions.

Remember That You’ve Got This

With this type of unprecedented experience comes a variety of emotions. While some feelings are easily identifiable it’s important to also honor our more elusive emotional experiences that appear unique.

The good news is that there are actionable steps you can take today to ground and soothe yourself.

Your Turn: Did any of these emotional experiences resonate with you? If so, how? I’m curious about your perspective on what emotions you’re experiencing during COVID-19 and how you’re coping. Let me know in the comments below!

The post How to Cope with Strange Emotions in the Time of COVID-19 appeared first on claritytherapynyc.com.

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