Living in a neurotypical world can be challenging for individuals with ADHD. The expectations, social implicit rules, and tasks often don’t align with the unique functioning of a neurodivergent brain. However, being neurodivergent doesn’t equal inferior. In this blog, we’ll explore the ADHD experience and discuss strategies, treatments, and therapies that can help individuals with ADHD navigate their difficulties and improve their quality of life.

Rewiring Perspectives: Empowering Neurodivergence in a Neurotypical World

Throughout my experience working with people that suffer from ADHD I often witness a very interesting evolution. The range of individual experiences can be vast. Individuals often share an initial intense frustration with symptoms and even ambivalence towards seeking help.

For many with ADHD, motivation can be a primary concern. There’s typically a disconnect between what people know they should do vs what they actually want to do. Does this sound familiar to you at all?

For many with ADHD, motivation can be a primary concern.

However, as we work together on changing how one approaches symptoms, you’ll be able to develop a more nuanced understanding of yourself. As a result, many people I work with share that they experience less frustration and a better appreciation of their contribution to the world. Additionally, they often report that they’re able to better manage difficulties that arise and speak less critically to themselves, simultaneously improving their self-esteem.

For the last 20 years, I have really enjoyed acting as a guide in this process for individuals who are struggling with managing ADHD. My wish is to help you find balance and harmony in your life, whatever that may look like.

What is it like being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world?

For a neurotypical individual, grasping the lived experience of someone with ADHD may be difficult. It’s important to recognize that everyone’s experience with ADHD is different, and my purpose here is to shed light on the pain points and complexities that individuals with ADHD may face in their daily lives.

The below illustrations aim to portray some of the unique challenges individuals with ADHD may encounter, including general experiences I’ve witnessed in my own clinical work:

The ADHD Experience: Understanding the Unique Challenges of ADHD in Various Life Areas

1. Sarah, a college student:
Sarah struggles with time perception. Despite setting multiple alarms and reminders, she consistently underestimates the time needed to complete assignments. She finds herself frequently rushing to finish projects at the last minute, affecting the quality of her work and causing heightened stress.

2. Alex, a professional in a fast-paced job:
Alex experiences difficulties with task switching and maintaining focus in a fast-paced work environment. Despite being highly knowledgeable and capable, their struggle to stay on track during meetings and prioritize tasks hinders their ability to perform at their full potential, leading to missed opportunities and feelings of frustration.

3. Maria, a parent with ADHD:
Maria faces challenges with organization and time management while juggling multiple responsibilities. She often forgets important dates, such as parent-teacher meetings and doctor’s appointments for her children. Balancing work, household tasks, and parenting becomes overwhelming, impacting her overall well-being and causing heightened stress.

4. Michael, a teenager with ADHD:
Michael encounters social challenges. He frequently misreads social cues and struggles to maintain appropriate social interactions. He often interrupts others unintentionally or struggles to gauge when it’s his turn to speak. This leads to misunderstandings and difficulties forming and maintaining friendships, leaving Michael feeling socially isolated and misunderstood.

5. Jade, a professional writer:
Jade grapples with the inability to harness hyperfocus effectively. While her intense focus on writing can be an asset, she often becomes so engrossed in her work that she loses track of time and neglects other important responsibilities. This inconsistency leads to a lack of balance in her life, impacting personal relationships and overall well-being.

Many people may be able to identify with certain aspects of the above case studies. It’s important to recognize that experiencing occasional difficulties with concentration can be influenced by various factors such as stress, fatigue, or distractions. However, in ADHD, symptoms persist over an extended period of time and are often accompanied by impairments in academic or occupational performance, relationships, and overall quality of life.

If you do find that these difficulties with concentration are consistently affecting your ability to function and thrive in various areas of your life, it may be helpful to consult with a qualified professional for ADHD testing. They’lll consider various factors like personal history, symptom severity, and the impact on daily functioning before making a diagnosis.

How to Accept and Understand an ADHD Diagnosis

Upon receiving an ADHD diagnosis, it’s important to prioritize self-understanding over self-criticism. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation but rather understanding that your unique brain is functioning and finding ways to navigate your challenges differently. Acceptance allows you to better understand your unique experiences, challenges, and strengths, providing a framework for self-awareness and making sense of your behaviors and thought patterns.

Better understanding the characteristics of an ADHD diagnosis can empower you to seek appropriate support. This includes strategies for managing ADHD-related symptoms, and accessing specialized treatment with the help of professionals who understand the nuances of this condition. Ultimately, by learning more about ADHD and exploring effective strategies, individuals with ADHD can better facilitate their lives and improve their overall well-being.

If you’re struggling with acceptance or self-doubt, know that you’re not alone. In my previous post, Coping with ADHD as an Adult and How Therapy can Help, we dive into the various ways therapy can nurture and support you in this process.

Functional Impairment and its Effects

ADHD can impact various areas of a person’s life, including social, employment, financial, and educational domains. The level of impairment varies among individuals, but it can significantly influence self-image and mood. Frustration and feelings of incapability may arise when simple tasks become challenging or career opportunities are missed due to prolonged and tedious processes. This chain of effects can ultimately result in low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with life.

Acceptance allows you to better understand your unique experiences, challenges, and strengths, providing a framework for self-awareness and making sense of your behaviors and thought patterns.

How to Manage ADHD Symptoms

However, the negative effects of ADHD can be addressed through changing one’s perspective and seeking evidence-based treatments. While psychopharmacology (medication) is widely used in ADHD treatment, it may not be suitable for everyone. Additionally, it primarily addresses symptoms without providing coping skills or emotional support.

An alternative to medication is neurofeedback, a therapeutic technique that modulates brain function to alleviate symptoms effectively. Neurofeedback has shown comparable effectiveness to medication and surpasses cognitive behavioral therapy in treating ADHD core symptoms. Moreover, coaching, which follows a cognitive-behavioral approach, can help individuals improve their lives through the development of routines, self-awareness, and coping strategies tailored to the individual’s unique situation.

The Role of Psychotherapy in ADHD Treatment

Psychotherapy plays a crucial role in ADHD treatment, providing emotional support and addressing every aspect of the individual. By exploring the effects of ADHD on identity, identifying strengths, and improving self-perception, individuals can reduce emotional intensity, improve anxiety management, and regain control over their lives. Psychotherapy also aids in organizing time, processing past and current stressors, and ultimately leading a more fulfilling life.

My wish is to help you uncover your strengths and become a more active participant of your life’s goals, leading to a sense of empowerment and improved self-understanding.

Constant Evolution and Self-Awareness

As human beings,we evolve and our mental health and ADHD symptoms can change over time. Factors such as aging and external influences contribute to these changes. It is crucial to maintain self-awareness and adapt to our evolving needs by making necessary adjustments in treatment approaches. Taking perspective and avoiding focusing only on our difficulties can help us embrace our unique functioning and emphasize its advantages, leading to contentment, serenity, and pride in who we are.

A Therapeutic Toolbox: Unlocking the Secrets to an Empowered ADHD Life

Living with ADHD in a neurotypical world can present challenges, but with the right approach and understanding, individuals with ADHD also thrive. By prioritizing self-understanding, exploring evidence-based treatments, and engaging in psychotherapy, individuals can significantly improve their quality of life. Remember, accepting your neurodivergent characteristics can empower you to embrace your uniqueness and lead a fulfilling life.

Learn more about ADHD testing services at Clarity, or book a complimentary consultation to speak with a professional to explore which treatment options are right for you.

No matter where on the spectrum your family falls from wonderful to awful, going home for the holidays is more complicated for most than all joy, merriment, and lights. Even as adults, stepping back into in-person family dynamics can make us feel like a kid again, including all the unpleasant parts. If this is you, know that you’re not alone.

In my experience as a therapist supporting clients with family relationship challenges, it’s common for clients to feel ambivalent or anxious when anticipating family time. Particularly during this time of year, my sessions with clients often focus on exploring together where they have some control to support themselves as they prepare for their time ahead with family. In this post, I want to share a few great ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays this year.

6 ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays:

1. Manage your expectations

Mom is still mom and Uncle Joe is still Uncle Joe. Your sister will still run late, and your brother won’t get you a gift.  In short, everyone will still be themselves, and your family will still be your family.  Even more so as they, too, try to manage the stress and expectations of this time of year.

It may be helpful to remind yourself of this as you plan to travel home.  A useful mantra might be, “My holiday will be just another day(s) in my relationships, even if it’s tricked out in lights.” Keeping this in mind may help you better manage surprise and disappointment.

2. Your feelings are tools.

If you’ve ever been to therapy, you may have heard the expression that “feelings aren’t facts.” However, you can use your feelings as support. Your feelings can give you information about what you need. Gather information about your needs and check in with yourself from time to time. Examining your feelings objectively and anticipating them can also help you feel more grounded and in control.

Examining your feelings objectively and anticipating them can also help you feel more grounded and in control.

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For example, Are you feeling angry anticipating your grandmother and aunts asking if you are seeing anyone? Prepare a one-liner to have on hand in response. Are you feeling anxious about spending so much time with your brother? Consider planning a trip home for 3 days instead of the 6 days you had planned; Set a time to walk with a friend out of the house ahead of time. Are you worried about feeling bad in your body with all of the heavy cooking? Plan to bring some prepared food for yourself that you know feels good in your body.

3. “I’m going for a walk now”

Setting boundaries is one of the great ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays. They’re also some of the most empowering tools at your disposal to honor yourself and your relationships. Boundaries can look like physical space—going for an errand out of the home, spending time in your room, staying in the basement or a hotel, or removing yourself from the conversation if the subject matter is triggering.

They can also look like telling others what you’ll do to maintain your emotional and physical wellbeing. These may include things like;“I  will be bringing one present for everyone as this is what I can comfortably afford,” or “I have to leave the day after Christmas,” or “Please don’t use this pronoun with me.” 

Note: If you feel physically or emotionally unsafe with your family, more extreme boundaries are an option to you, such as choosing to not go home at all or to leave early.

4. Yes, it’s really okay to go for a walk now, no matter what Aunt Paula says.

Setting boundaries is one of the most empowering tools at your disposal to take care of yourself and your relationships.

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5. Be kind to yourself

This is a complex time of year.  Families are complicated.  In the spirit of generosity, practice some with yourself, too.  Try telling yourself: “This is hard,” “I deserve to take care of myself,” or “I’m doing my best.”  One of the ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays is by being your best ally.

Being your own best ally can look like taking basic care of your needs like making sure that you are getting enough quality sleep, eating nourishing foods, and moving your body in joyful ways. Or explore a supportive habit like meditation, breathing, or journaling to manage stress.

6. Call in the reserves

When immediate family members feel tough, overwhelming, or limited, call in the reserves. Get creative. Who is available to support you with some of your experience?  Who can help you get out of your head or feel more grounded for a while? Maybe this looks like one particular ally in your family, or some friends in your hometown with whom you can make plans. Can you set a Facetime with your partner?  If you have a therapist, can you set a plan of support with them?  If you don’t have a trusted therapist, consider reaching out to find one. Follow a therapist or other accounts on Instagram that feel affirming. If you’ve decided not to go home for the holidays, where can you access your chosen family?

The Bottom Line

Setting boundaries and practicing these techniques may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s completely normal to get some pushback, especially if you’ve never set boundaries with family, friends, or loved ones before.

But with these helpful tools and strategies, my wish is that you’ll feel more self-assured and equipped to honor your own needs in any family holiday environment. As you search for gifts, also search for choices, tools, and supports available to you before you head home this year. You’ve got this.

Your Turn: What ways do you take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays? Share what’s worked in the comments below.

The majority of people struggle with creating healthy boundaries. This is true for many of my clients in individual, couples, and family therapy. People lack healthy relational boundaries within their personal and professional worlds. Why is it so difficult for people to establish healthy boundaries? As a therapist and in my own life, I’ve seen the unique impact of the current pandemic on this topic.

Examine the impact of COVID-19

In this current era of COVID-19, more and more people have discovered the need for healthy boundaries. It may be true that for the first time in our life we have a legitimate excuse for not doing things. Now you’re able to say, “Sorry mom and dad, I can’t join you for the holidays” or “Sorry, I can’t see you for drinks. I’m quarantining.” You may also find yourself saying,“ I have to sign out of work, because my children need me at home.”

Taking precautions in the name of the greater good finally gave us permission to step back.

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Social distancing for some can provide the opportunity to take a break from our usual social obligations. I often witness how many of my clients say “no” to others, but still feel guilty. The question is why did it take a pandemic for us to form healthy boundaries and become more assertive?

For many, taking precautions in the name of the greater good finally gave us permission to step back. The innate drive of self-preservation in the face of a universal danger may play a role. It’s also possible that some people are simply running out of energy. This pandemic has pushed us to our limits and we’re running on empty. People feel like they have to protect themselves not only from the virus, but from the demands of others. When we’re placed under immense pressure, it’s not uncommon to shut down in self-protection.

Explore the power of healthy boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is about being able to tell others what we want and what we expect from them.

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Setting boundaries is vital to our emotional wellbeing. Healthy boundaries help people to thrive and feel empowered in their lives. Setting healthy boundaries is about being able to tell others what we want and what we expect from them. It includes setting limits, and letting others know how we want to be treated. It’s also about knowing and communicating what we will and will not tolerate. Setting boundaries establishes what is healthy for us, and what is not. Cultivating the ability to say “No, that doesn’t work for me,” is powerful.

Reflect on the origin of your own boundaries

Why is setting healthy boundaries so difficult for some? The ability to form healthy boundaries is often rooted in our family of origin. It’s easy to follow the same patterns we experienced in childhood. These patterns may be maladaptive now, yet feel “safer” and more familiar. As adults it’s helpful to periodically examine our behavior and ask questions such as:

• Do I have firm, individual self-boundaries, and self-worth?
• Do I meet my own needs, and practice assertiveness?
• Am I quick to meet other people’s needs before my own?
• Do I feel uncomfortable and guilty when saying “no” to others?
• Do I tell white lies instead of telling the truth for the sake of “keeping the peace” or to avoid confrontation?
• Do I fear people will judge me if I’m not comforting to others’ needs?
• Do I take care of myself? Are my needs met?

It is important to stop and think about why we do what we do. Often, we copy the patterns from our family of origin. Are we quick to jump into problem solving mode which skims the surface? Perhaps we saw how our parents weren’t able to talk about underlying issues. We may have grown up with parents who didn’t ask how we felt but instead told us what to think and do. Sometimes there are cultural and societal expectations. For example, some cultures put pressure on adult children to take care of aging parents. Don’t get me wrong, children supporting aging parents is a selfless thing. However we may be crossing boundaries when a child feels responsible for their parent’s happiness and wellbeing.

For example, let’s consider well-meaning in-laws who continue to drop by unannounced to see your newborn. You feel like you barely had time to unpack your hospital bag before they arrived. Their frequent visits at all hours of the day are leaving you feeling drained and intruded upon. Let them know that you appreciate their visits, but need some time alone during this adjustment period. You’ll invite them over when you are more rested and feel ready to welcome visitors again.

Objectively, this is a reasonable boundary. Yet, you may be accused of being unkind or selfish by others for keeping the new grandchild from the loving grandparents. This pushback may lead to feelings of guilt which may cause you to abandon your healthy boundary. When negative feelings and disapproval from others is overwhelming, this is when we often abandon our boundaries. For the moment, we’ve kept the peace and gained temporary relief from feeling bad, but at our own expense.

By setting boundaries you’re in fact honoring what you need.

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Remember, by setting boundaries you’re in fact honoring what you need. It’s important to hold the tension of saying no. They may complain to you or even try to stop by again hoping you’ll change your mind. In which case, perhaps you choose not open the door or answer the telephone. Following through on healthy boundaries means honoring your needs even when others may disagree.

The bottom line for creating healthy boundaries

If something doesn’t feel good, it’s generally not good for us. In one recent session with a client, she described how she was asked to drive a friend to the airport. Since she did not have a job, she felt obliged. Now, this client is terribly afraid of driving on busy roads, but was ashamed to admit this to her friend. She reluctantly agreed with high anxiety and off they went. She ended up hitting a toll booth. Both the driver and her passenger were quite scared. Since then she has learned the benefit of saying “no,” and practices establishing healthy boundaries with others.

It can be difficult, but one way to begin to set healthy boundaries is to stop placing so much value on what other people think and feel. It’s important that we stop living our lives based on what we should do according to others. Let’s focus on self-acceptance and treat our own needs without judgment or criticism. Be brave enough to tell people how you feel and what works or doesn’t work for you. Say yes to cultivating the personal authority that is already within you. When you do this, you will be able to also say yes to the requests that align with you and say no enthusiastically to those that don’t.

Your Turn: How can you begin to set healthier boundaries? I’d love to hear how you are creating new boundaries in the comments below.

Oftentimes, couples avoid talking about the two subjects that are crucial to their wellbeing: money and sex.  It may come as a surprise to you that as a couples therapist, I actually hear more about instances around financial infidelity than affairs in the traditional sense. While the term financial infidelity may be relatively new, the concept itself is a notoriously common issue in relationships.

What is financial infidelity?

Financial infidelity happens when one or both partners aren’t honest about their financial situation or actively hide their financial issues. This may look like making financial decisions in secrecy or not being fully transparent about how much one is spending. For some couples this can also look like hiding income, not being forthcoming about debts and large financial obligations or keeping another bank account that’s unknown to their partner.

For some, spending money without their partner’s knowledge feels like freedom and one’s right. There are some partners who don’t see anything wrong with this behavior, and it doesn’t affect the couple negatively. Often however, this comes from a place of partners wanting to avoid arguments about spending. This is especially true in the case of someone who is compulsively shopping, gambling, or otherwise spending money in a way that feels out of control.

How to Recover from financial infidelity

These behavior patterns can be upsetting to face, so what are some steps that you can take if this sounds like you or your partner? First of all, recognize that it’s quite common that someone who is more frugal attracts someone who is a spender, and vice versa. It’s human nature to  seek out what initially feels novel and fills the voids we see in ourselves.

6 practical ways you can address financial infidelity in your relationship:

1. Acknowledge what’s been compromised
2. Be honest and come clean
3. Understand your value system
4. Examine your relationship
5. Listen without judgement
6. Strive for transparency

1. Acknowledge what’s been compromised

The partner who felt cheated is going to be upset, angry, and disappointed. Just like with an instance of true infidelity, partners may experience feelings of betrayal, loss of trust, and may even want to leave the relationship. Afterall, trust and safety were compromised. 

The unspoken message, “Are you here for me?” fails to be answered positively. The reasons why we wanted to be in the relationship in the first place are broken. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that the relationship is now different from what you once knew.

2. Be honest and come clean

For some, this might be the first time that partners examine how much they want to be together, and ultimately if they want to stay together after the betrayal, similar to an affair. First, the partners have to honestly assess their financial situation and what needs to change. Both parties have to come clean. If you’re going to recover, it’s important to understand why the financial infidelity happened in the first place.

What was the motive for the behavior, and is the secretive partner willing to work on it? Was it a gambling issue that the partner is in denial about? If the offending partner displays a willingness to address the issue there’s a greater chance for successful resolution.

3. Understand your own value system around finances

What is your relationship to money and how was this influenced by your upbringing? What were the messages that you absorbed growing up about spending and how finances should be handled in relationships? Couples need to gain a clear understanding of their own values system and beliefs about finances. There is a very important psychological aspect as to why and how we spend money, and our relationship with money.

4. Examine your relationship

A critical underlying question is: what is “wrong” with the relationship itself, and what is missing in the relationship? Perhaps we are substituting the love that we need from the partner with purchases. Sometimes, the good feeling we get from spending may be one way to meet our needs that aren’t getting met in our relationship. One of my clients shared that she would spend money in secrecy after her fights with her husband. When upset, she wanted to get back at him by purchasing an expensive item. For a brief moment, she felt validated and “happy” because she  made the purchase. Through therapy she learned that by doing this she was in fact attempting to “punish” her husband. Although the shopping helped to temporarily validate her anger, it wasn’t a solution that she could feel good about long-term.

5. Listen without judgement

As difficult as it may be, allow room for open and vulnerable conversations. Be curious and listen to what your partner might need. Listen but do your best to refrain from responding with judgement. This will just cause your partner to become defensive about their behavior.

Talk about it and let your partner know why you think and feel the way you do, and how their behavior affects you. Couples I work with who have healthy and long-lasting relationships are the ones who can have open and vulnerable conversations where they feel heard, respected, and supported by each other.

6. Strive for transparency

Both partners have to commit to being fully transparent which includes being involved in budgeting and working towards a recovery plan. Open communication is the key to resolving many conflicts overall and financial issues are no different. It’s important to lay out a plan that is realistic for you as a couple and proportionate to the financial infidelity that occurred.

The bottom line

It is possible to recover from financial infidelity when both partners are willing to work together to find a solution that supports healing. What feels right for each couple will look different, and it’s important to remember that the road towards healing isn’t always a linear journey. You don’t have to struggle alone. Receiving support from a trusted therapist can help you understand if and how you can move forward after experiencing financial infidelity in your relationship.

Your Turn: Have you ever experienced or been the perpetrator of financial infidelity? How did you decide to work through it with your partner? What helped you cope? 

Learning how to effectively communicate with adolescents can be challenging, even for the most seasoned and skilled parents. Now more than ever, parents may find themselves wanting to check in with their teens about what’s going on in the world, and how they’re being affected.

What’s the right thing to say? How can parents know if something is wrong and their teens need more support when they won’t open up?

As a Licensed Psychotherapist who works with family and adolescents, I’ve witnessed the frustration first-hand when both parties are trying to communicate but keep getting stuck because they’re talking at each other, not to each other. However, it’s possible for parents to free themselves from these unproductive communication patterns that take root in families.

I’d like to share six practical tips that are helpful in building more positive and consistent communication.

6 Tips to Improve Communication with Your Teen

1. Take the Pressure Off
2. Validate Their Inner Experience
3. Empathize, Especially on the Small Stuff
4. Take Time Outs When Needed
5. Model Appropriate Communication and Emotion Sharing
6. Provide Autonomy

1. Take the Pressure Off

At times, it may seem like your teen loves to be the center of attention. This is usually not the case when it comes to talking about feelings with mom and dad. If candid conversations about feelings are uncommon in your household, teens may be more likely to shut down or close off when approached. They may feel under scrutiny, unsure of how to respond, or what emotions will be accepted. Some may even be fearful of getting in trouble for saying the wrong thing.

There is always room for side conversation, and this may be a non-threatening opportunity to have a heart-to-heart with your teen.

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To remove some of this perceived pressure, try engaging in neutral activities with your teens before initiating the conversations. For example, playing games. This is something light hearted and typically the players’ attention is focused on the game at hand. However, there is always side conversation, and this may be a non-threatening opportunity to have a heart-to-heart with your teen.

They likely won’t feel the same pressure as they have something to look at and focus on; it can feel like just another topic of conversation, opposed to a more formal sit-down discussion that has the potential to feel like an interrogation. Besides playing games, you can try cooking, baking, going for a walk, anything that you and your teen enjoy doing together.

2. Validate Their Inner Experience

Validation does not mean blindly agreeing with everything your teen says. Validating is the act of reflecting back to another person that you hear and recognize their thoughts and feelings. For most people, validation doesn’t come naturally to us.

Our tendency as humans is to jump into problem solving mode or reassure the other person that things will be okay.

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Our tendency as humans is to jump into problem solving mode or reassure the other person that things will be okay. After all, we don’t like to see our loved ones struggle or suffer. However, responding in these ways can oftentimes feel dismissive, and make us feel like we’re not truly being heard. This can be especially true for our teens who may already struggle to express their inner experiences as they grapple with challenges for the first time.

For example, if your teen is expressing to you that they’re sad over a breakup, or worried about a difficult exam coming up, start with validating their feelings by saying something like “That does sound difficult” or “I understand why this would make you feel sad.”

Of course, we may eventually get to the problem solving – and that’s great. But remember not to skip the step of validating first. This helps teens feel heard and makes them more likely to open up about feelings again in the future if they know you’re truly willing to lend an ear.

3. Empathize, Especially the Small Stuff

Empathy goes hand in-hand with validation. To empathize with your teen is to try to truly understand their feelings from their unique perspective. At times, this can be difficult. When you’re working a full time job, managing a household, and dealing with countless other life stressors, your teen’s problems may seem superficial by comparison. Resist judging your teens experiences and emotions.

Instead, challenge this thinking, and remember that although an issue may seem insignificant to you – it IS quite significant to them! Try to put yourself in their shoes and try to remember when you were their age and how similar issues likely felt like the end of the world. Empathizing with your teens (or with anyone for that matter) makes them feel heard and understood, and oftentimes will make them much more likely to confide in you about more significant problems when it really counts.

By controlling our response and approaching the situation in a calm manner, we’re less likely to miss out on meaningful conversations.

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4. Take Time Outs When Needed

If your teen does something which causes you to feel upset or angry, it’s natural to want to react in the moment. However, by controlling our response and approaching the situation in a calm manner, we’re less likely to miss out on meaningful conversations. This is a lot easier said than done of course, so when this happens, try to count to ten or take some deep breaths. If that isn’t enough, table the conversations for later and take a break!

Not only will this improve your communication with your teen, but it models good communication skills for them to use with others. When we react in the moment we may be reacting strictly from our emotions, without time to process the issue logically. When we do this, we’re also less likely to get our point across in a way that will be heard. Yelling at your teen may cause them to become defensive, shut down, and not hear us. If you’re used to communicating this way and haven’t gotten the results you’re expecting, try something new.

Having important conversations when we are calm builds understanding and fosters cooperation instead of resentment, while encouraging a dialogue that’s two-sided.

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You can set rules, guidelines, and appropriate punishments for your household while sharing the reasons for these rules. Having these important conversations when the family is calm builds understanding and fosters cooperation instead of resentment, while encouraging a dialogue that’s two-sided. This also has potential to create a stronger relationship between parents and their children where both parties feel more able to open up and share.

5. Model Appropriate Communication and Emotion Sharing

It’s OK to be vulnerable with your kids. If they see you admit that things are impacting you and you are experiencing some negative emotions, they may feel more comfortable doing the same. Oftentimes, if we’ve learned from a young age that we shouldn’t express negative emotions, or only our positive emotions are valid, we unconsciously stuff all negative feelings deep within ourselves. This can make identifying our feelings or even honoring our own experiences difficult as adults.

Of course this doesn’t mean that we want to bombard our kids with our feelings and lean on them for support. However we should try to share and open up a reciprocal relationship. This can look something like sitting at the dinner table and sharing “that news article really made me sad today” or “it’s been difficult watching all of these stories in the media.” Not only does this show the rest of the family that it’s ok to discuss our feelings, it can open up a dialogue about how these events are impacting them as well.

6. Provide Autonomy

If your teen doesn’t want to talk to you about these things, remind yourself that it is both normal and OK. It does not mean you are a bad parent or have a bad relationship. Think of your teenage years, how much did you really want to share with your mom and dad? We can use all of the right tools and tricks, but if they’re not ready for an open conversation, we shouldn’t force it.

Continue to remind your teen that when they are ready, you’re here to listen.

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Continue to remind your teen that when they are ready, you’re here to listen to them. If your efforts to engage your teen in these conversations continue to fall on deaf ears, that’s okay. In this case, you can provide them the freedom to speak with someone else.

Encourage them to reach out to a trusted loved one, perhaps an aunt or uncle, and assure them that this can be a safe space and what they say will not be relayed back to the family. Alternatively, provide them some resources for support, for example, the opportunity to meet with a trusted school guidance counselor or with a therapist.

As difficult as it may be, try not to take their silence personally or force a discussion if things feel strained. Empower your child to feel supported in the way that meets their needs.

The Bottom Line on Communication

In an age where our teens prefer communicating through Snapchat and TikTok dances than around the dinner table, trying to have meaningful conversations and encouraging consistent communication can be increasingly difficult. These six tips are the first steps towards trying to create a more open environment within your home for these more heavy conversations to be had.

Remember to be patient with yourself and with your teens! There is no one-size-fits-all model for parenting.

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Remember to be patient with yourself and with your teens! There is no one-size-fits-all model for parenting. Continue to take the temperature on how your communication with your teen is going and adjust if changes need to be made.

Even communicating with your teens about your communication patterns can be useful. Ask them how they would prefer to have these conversations, and give it a try. The best we can do is be there for our teens and let them know that when they are ready to talk, we’re ready to lend an ear.

Your Turn: What have been your successful moments? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

Being a young adult is a time of immense change. The period between your late teens and early 20s is both scary and exciting.

These are some of the most formative years of your life, which tend to shape the person you become later on in life. From teenage development and peer pressure to higher education and major career choices, the pressure of young adulthood is real.

Learn more about the issues and societal pressure young adults face in today’s world and how a therapist for young adults could help!

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Getting to Grips With Young Adult Issues

Not so long ago, the young adult period was classified as occurring between the ages of 20 and 45 years old. Today, this age range has changed drastically and now falls in the period of 18–35 years old.

Due to the numerous and rapid changes characterizing this period of life, it can be overwhelming. And the truth is, some young adults just cope far better than others.

This is where young adults may find therapy incredibly beneficial.

Young adulthood can be characterized by both intimacy and isolation.

Major Life Transitions

During a young adult’s life, they go through a number of major transitions. These are of a sexual, cognitive, emotional, and psychological nature. Basically, this a lot of change for a person to handle—especially if their emotional development is not up to par with fellow peers.

Major milestones in a young adult’s life include graduating from high school and moving into new adult roles with new responsibilities—not to mention forming new friendships, choosing a career path, moving away from home, and entering the workforce.

A young adult is also expected to accept legal responsibility for themselves, make their own decisions, and, in most cases, support themselves financially.

In a nutshell, young adulthood could be characterized by both intimacy and isolation. You are developing an intimate relationship with yourself and others while learning to live independently at the same time.

Mental Health Effects

Naturally, this time in life makes for plenty of confusion and pressure. And this is known to lead to the development of common issues such as depression and anxiety in young adults.

In fact, the rate of depression and suicide in the United States alone is among the highest in this particular age group. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately one in 10 deaths in adults is a result of suicide.

It’s worth noting that some young adults are at higher risk of suicide due to the following factors:

• Experiencing a traumatic life event
• Experiencing abuse in any form
• Family history of suicide
• Family history of depression
• Family history of mental health issues
• Being incarcerated
• Substance abuse
• Alcoholism
• Excessive amounts of stress
• Peer pressure

During this time in life, many young adults are diagnosed with mental health issues such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Other common mental health issues include eating disorders, major anxiety, and substance abuse.

In essence, all of these mental health disorders can be attributed to the major life shifts experienced by a young adult.

How a Therapist For Young Adults Can Help

The support and neutrality of a mental health practitioner can be an immense help to many young adults. This is especially true if a young adult is prone to mental health issues or depression.

But how is their support any different from that of a loving a parent? How can a therapist help during this transition from adolescence to adulthood?

In essence, a therapist is a neutral party, and they are able to act as a sounding board without judgment.

Many young adults may feel ashamed or obligated to speak about their struggles with a parent. They may also feel unsupported, pressurized, and misunderstood by those closest to them due to a changed perspective on the world.

Therapy sessions offer a young adult the chance to unload and speak about their issues with a professional who has an outside perspective on it all.

Many young adults may feel unsupported, pressurized, and misunderstood by those closest to them due to a changed perspective on the world.

Methods of Therapy

Young adults who opt for help regarding their mental health benefit from a number of different interventions and modalities of therapy.

Some of the most popular forms of therapy include cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy. These are both highly successful forms of therapy that help young adults alter negative thought patterns. They also focus on forming personal goals and working towards those instead.

Some of the most common themes that are explored during young adult therapy include:

• Parental ties—not feeling comfortable with living independently
• Differing world views from parents—is it okay to have different beliefs?
• Fear and anxiety around being successfully independent and supporting oneself
• Confusion over life goals and how well a person really know themselves
• Unsure whether values and goals are really their own, or influenced by parents
• Peer pressure and the confusion and anxiety around not ”fitting in”

During these therapy sessions, young adults are also encouraged to lean on and develop support networks around them.

Family therapy is also an option for young adults who may be struggling to cope with changing family dynamics, such as divorce, separation, or death of a loved one.

All in all, the life of a young adult is a jumble of highs and lows that can be exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time. If your child is going through this phase in their life, keep in mind how they are coping with all of this change.

If you begin to notice signs of depression or anxiety such as changes in mood, appetite, or behavior, talk to your child about consulting with a therapist!

Take Control of Your Mental Health With Us

At Clarity Therapy NYC, we aim to help you rediscover and reconnect with yourself and the ever-changing world around you.

If you’re looking for a therapist for young adults, look no further than our young adult counseling services.

A version of this post originally appeared on our sister site, NYC Therapy + Wellness.