Gratitude Archives - claritytherapynyc.com https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/category/gratitude/ Clarity Therapy NYC Thu, 29 Apr 2021 12:24:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.2 https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/cropped-Artboard-4@logo-150x150.png Gratitude Archives - claritytherapynyc.com https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/category/gratitude/ 32 32 7 Coping Tips for Anxiety From a Psychologist https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/7-coping-tips-for-anxiety/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/7-coping-tips-for-anxiety/#respond Sun, 20 Sep 2020 23:00:36 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=4694 Learn 7 coping tips for anxiety and discover strategies that therapists actually use to help them with their own anxious thoughts.

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It’s sometimes easy to lose sight of the importance of your own self-care when you’re so focused on others. Now more than ever, with the continuation of social unrest, the ongoing pandemic, and working remotely, we’ve had to get creative with how we take care of ourselves. 

As a Psychologist, I struggle to be fully present for others if I’m running on empty myself. Here are several practical strategies for coping with anxiety that I use when I need to feel more grounded. 

1. Use Mantras to Root Myself in the Present

I frequently find myself “time traveling”, which means stepping outside of the present moment and either replaying a past event in my mind or projecting some imagined future.

The only time that truly matters is now.

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Whenever we leave the present moment, we create problems for ourselves and others. The only time that truly matters is now. “Time traveling” with our thoughts is a potential rabbit hole, and diving headfirst into it won’t help boost your mood. Given the current uncertainty, it’s understandable that people catastrophize about what may lie ahead, because in this case we have very few answers—unfortunately, everyone is in the same boat.

How I cope: When I find myself “time traveling”, I remind myself that the only time that matters is this very moment. My favorite mantras that bring me back into the present are one-word statements such as “Release” and simply “Now”. A more developed mantra might be something like “Life starts now”, “Everything I need in this moment already exists within me”, and “Life flows in me, through me, and out into the universe in every moment.”

Everything I need in this moment already exists within me.

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Each of these mantras serves me during times of stress or when I’m feeling lost or lacking clarity. These mantras and affirmations have evolved and expanded over time as I’ve done my own self-development work. I share them with my therapy clients, and then I encourage them to sit with whatever resonates with them, evolving the mantra to fit their needs.

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Each of these mantras serves me during times of stress or when I’m feeling lost or lacking clarity.

2. Remind Myself That it is Okay to Not Be Hyperproductive

In general, I’m a super-achiever. Working therapeutically with entrepreneurs and being a small business owner myself, I have to hold this in mind and be careful not to project this neurosis onto other people, including my clients and associates. During periods of stress, we all function and cope differently, so why would now be any different?

How I cope: I start with trying to be a bit more compassionate and forgiving toward myself. Unless I’m more attuned to myself in the present moment, I’m usually not even aware of the self-critical or judgemental thoughts that I sometimes tell myself. We truly can be our own worst enemies. When this happens, I tell myself to turn up the volume on my self-awareness of my inner dialogue.

What am I telling myself? What would I say to a friend or loved one who’s experiencing similar guilt over productivity? Would you tell your friend to do more than what they feel they can right now?

This is the time to set aside behaving like a super human and just take good care of myself.

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Of course not! In practicing this, I treat myself as I would a friend and challenge self-defeating thoughts, especially those that include “shoulds” and “musts.” This is the time to set aside behaving like a super human and just take good care of myself.

3. Use Stillness as an Opportunity to Reset

Like most people before this crisis, I was suffering from a fair degree of burnout. I’ve been craving a moment to pause and catch my breath, and I’ve used this time to give myself permission to be still and appreciate the natural ebb and flow of life. I’ve also been in awe with the stillness and peace that I’ve found within Mother Nature. In all places, there is a restorative opportunity to use stillness to reset and take care of ourselves.

How I cope: Instead of dwelling on the negative, I remind myself of some of the positive outcomes of this quarantine. I’ve allowed myself to have quality time virtually connecting with family and loved ones, to pick up a neglected hobby or forgotten projects, and to simply give myself time to put unfulfilling tasks on pause, and breathe a bit deeper.

In all places, there is a restorative opportunity to use stillness to reset and take care of ourselves.
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4. Embrace My Own Vulnerability

I’ve had profound moments of clarity in acknowledging my own vulnerability. I’ve found myself reflecting on how precious life is and how vulnerable life can be. When we’re open and vulnerable with others, it gives us an opportunity to feel heard and cared for.

When we’re open and vulnerable with others, it gives us an opportunity to feel heard and cared for.

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How I cope: I’ve been speaking more candidly with my therapy clients. As a therapist who was taught to always be a perfectly neutral “blank” slate, this shift has been refreshing, and has taken the work to a different level. In my private life, I’ve been sharing feelings with trusted friends, family, and even my own therapist. If my clients ask, I’ve chosen to share some of my personal experiences with them as we all find our way through this time. Even therapists aren’t superhuman, and I like to acknowledge that, yes, sometimes things are hard, and maybe we’re not doing this perfectly, but we’re doing our best.

By being vulnerable, I give others permission to speak openly, be seen and held, and receive a deeper, more humane and authentic level of support. It’s not always easy to be vulnerable, but this radical shift has reminded me that authenticity and demonstrating the vulnerability of my own humanity is worth it.

5. Practice Gratitude and Recognize Abundance

I take a few moments at the start of each day to consider all I have to be grateful for. It’s a wonderful way not only to take stock of my life, but to practice mindfulness, reduce anxiety, and increase the overall quality of my life.

How I cope: In order to not feel so weighed down during periods of stress or uncertainty, I take time to identify what I’m grateful for. Simply reframing my perspective and acknowledging the good around me is critical to staying balanced when things are tough. It’s so easy to get sucked in a doom-and-gloom mindset, and it’s important to have tools ready to challenge that mentality.

6. Focus on Breathing and Muscle Relaxation

I know from my studies that controlled breathing exercises can do some pretty amazing things. They can drastically reduce stress hormones and lactic acid flowing in your body, lower your blood pressure and heart rate, nudge blood flow back into equilibrium, improve immune function, and increase feelings of wellbeing. Even with this knowledge, though, I often forget to put these exercises into practice.

How I cope: When I’m stressed, I focus on the sensations in my body. I notice how my body tenses and my breathing becomes shallow. And when I’m relaxed, I pay attention to how my breathing becomes deeper and more restorative.

Pay attention to how your breathing becomes deeper and more restorative when you are able to relax.

 

We each have the power to move out of distress patterns more quickly if we harness the power of our breath.

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We each have the power to move out of distress patterns more quickly if we harness the power of our breath. By consciously moving my breathing from my chest to my abdomen, using the diaphragm, I move the nervous system into parasympathetic mode, giving myself a chance to just “relax.” Right before bed—or while I’m in bed—I tense up my body and relax it, and then find some visualization to help soothe me. This can be especially effective for people who are anxious and stressed.

7. Demonstrate Small Acts of Kindness and Forgiveness

Every act of kindness in the world counts, and this is a time when the world needs such gestures more than ever. We should do all we can to demonstrate kindness to those around us, and to be conscientious of people who are at risk and vulnerable.

How I cope: I’ve discovered that demonstrating forgiveness for myself and others opens up my life tremendously. You must forgive any mistakes you’ve made and any resentment you feel toward others. You cannot feel any sort of self-love as long as you have a constant flow of negative thoughts.

Love is an act of will and consciousness. It’s not passive; it’s an active decision to see the goodness in yourself, others, and the world despite all its dysfunction.

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Love is an act of will and consciousness. It’s not passive; it’s an active decision to see the goodness in yourself, others, and the world despite all its dysfunction. I often ask myself the simple question, “What can I do to positively impact someone else’s life today?” Within my practice, I place therapists at the center of the work, because they’re the source through which this vital energy flows. Expanding further, I’ve tried my best to give each and every employee my reassurance that they will not be in jeopardy, the company will do whatever it can to take care of them, they will be paid, and their health comes first. I know that in taking care of them, they’ll be able to take care of their clients and their work, and I trust that I’ll be taken care of in return.

The Bottom Line on Coping Tips for Anxiety

It’s so easy to get sucked in a doom-and-gloom mindset, and it’s important to have tools ready to challenge that mentality. The good news is that there are actionable steps you can take today to ground and soothe yourself. We each need to create our own recipes, but if you’re struggling, experiment with each of these techniques to see which ones fit.

Your Turn: What ways have you found to relax and cope with your anxiety? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

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How to Embrace Change https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-embrace-change/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/how-to-embrace-change/#respond Fri, 10 Jul 2020 08:00:00 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=3410 Wanting things to go back to “normal,” also known as “the way things used to be,” is one of humankind’s most basic and universal tendencies. There’s comfort in the familiar, especially when you’re looking backwards.

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Wanting things to go back to “normal,” also known as “the way things used to be,” is one of humankind’s most basic and universal tendencies. There’s comfort in the familiar, especially when you’re looking backwards. But by learning to embrace change, you can bring much more joy into your life.

I see proof of this desire to return to the past on a near-daily basis. Often, I’ll hear my clients remark at the beginning of our first session together, “I want to feel the way I used to feel,” or, “I want to get that spark back from when my partner and I first met.”

By learning to embrace change, you can bring much more joy into your life.

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While these feelings are valid and understandable, they don’t always serve us. In the words of analytical psychologist Carl Jung, “Life has always to be tackled anew.”

It’s a beautiful reality, when you consider it: Everything in the universe is in constant motion, expanding exponentially, and our psyches are no exception. Trying to recreate an idealized point in your past not only summons feelings of frustration and insatiable nostalgia, it also ignores the fact that you’ve evolved since that time in your life. You’re a different person than you were before—whether it be last year, last month, or yesterday.

Trying to return to a moment or feeling from the past simply isn’t possible as the person you are now, since you would experience even identical circumstances differently.

In each moment lies an opportunity to reinvent ourselves.

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This may sound discouraging, but it’s an empowering concept if you can accept it, because it means that in each moment lies an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. We know that from one day to the next our world may change greatly, for better or worse; yet we, too, are always adapting, shifting, and evolving with the flow of the universe. Nothing is static. In nature, organisms that do not successfully adapt to a changing environment atrophy and die.

 

Life as we knew it was flipped upside-down by the coronavirus pandemic, and it may be awhile before things return to “normal.” Most of us know on some level that this will be a “new normal” that will look a bit different than before.

We are always adapting, growing, and evolving with the flow of the universe.
Embrace Change

Life always has to be tackled anew.

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Just as we cannot recreate the past as our current selves, so our societies cannot function precisely as they did before this global upheaval. Sure, things will feel strange as we adapt to a new way of living. For many, the path of change is paved with mourning and grief of lost loved ones.

Embracing The Possibility of Change
For some, the path towards change is paved with mourning and grief of lost loved ones.

But perhaps some may be able look back at times during quarantine with some degree of nostalgia. For many of us, it was a forced but in ways welcome pause from the daily grind as we finally got to turn inwards and take time for ourselves and our families.

As we continue to make sense of the new world ahead, we should remember lessons from the pandemic—one of which is that the only constant in life is change, and therefore something to be embraced.

Your Turn: Let us know how you have worked to embrace change in your life in the comments below.

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5 Essential Spring Cleaning Tips for the Mind During Coronavirus https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/5-spring-cleaning-tips-for-the-mind/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/5-spring-cleaning-tips-for-the-mind/#respond Wed, 29 Apr 2020 18:13:54 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=2336 Learn some practical tips you can use to clear the unnecessary and unhelpful clutter from your mind.

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As people around the world find themselves indoors and with a bit more time on their hands, some of us may experience a strong desire for some change and some spring cleaning. When things in our environment feel out of our control, it’s helpful to develop healthy self-soothing practices, and improving the livability of our space is an effective coping strategy.

Simply by maintaining a well-organized space we can benefit from an improved sense of clarity and calm. After all, Marie Kondo’s approach of asking oneself “Does this spark joy?” helped millions of people shed mounds of clutter that was weighing them down.

But what about the clutter taking up space in our minds? Necessary self-isolation means we’re not able to maintain normal interactions with our support systems. Many of us have family, health, job or financial worries which leads to increased anxiety, stress, depression, and loneliness. Maybe we’re also dealing with grief because a loved one has been affected by the virus.

Below are some practical tips you can implement to clear the unnecessary and unhelpful clutter from your mind.

1. Start with 1% for your spring cleaning

The important thing is to not get overwhelmed and attempt to change everything at once; that’s where people often fail. Start with the least daunting activity and begin putting everything into perspective. Fifteen minutes is only 1% of your day, so reframe it in your mind like you are only taking 1% of your day to make a significant improvement to your overall health.

Each morning is a brand new start and a whole new beginning. Don’t take the past with you today; wake up with a clean slate.

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Slowly start to implement this 1% into your regular routine and you’ll begin to see (and feel) improvements in your life:

In the Morning: Each morning is a brand new start and a whole new beginning. Don’t take the past with you today; wake up with a clean slate.

Use your morning to honor and connect with a shared sense of humanity. Shift your mindset by sending loving compassion to each person you pass on your drive or walk. Sending loving energy to others can quickly shift your consciousness from the negative to the positive, and shift your mind away from anxiety you were feeling.

In the Evening: Each evening, cleanse your mind and prepare yourself for sleep. Don’t drag mental baggage from the day around with you into bed, especially as you wind down.

For those of us who are working or staying exclusively at home, we no longer have this physical separation of work and home. Try to implement your own physical reset. If you can, leave your home and simply walk once around the block. Once you pass the threshold or your front door or building, commit to leaving your stress, anxiety, worry or sadness at the door.

Meditation, yoga, physical fitness, reading, and/or cooking are all great spring cleaning activities that can help bridge the gap between your daily activities to winding down at home. Instead of answering emails all day and evening, set yourself a time to officially unplug, just as you would when you turn off your computer for the night and head home.

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Meditation, yoga, physical fitness, reading, and/or cooking are all great spring cleaning activities that can help bridge the gap between your daily activities to winding down at home.

2. Designate time to reflect

Have you ever noticed the more you try to avoid a negative feeling, the more powerful it seems to become? When negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, depression, grief or worry become overwhelming we can reduce their impact by leaning in.

You can combat this by setting aside a few moments a day to let yourself acknowledge and be curious about your negative emotions. Are you resentful because you haven’t communicated your needs? Are you holding onto past heartbreak? Are you projecting your fear onto others and imagining a dark future?

Physical space allows room for mental space, so decluttering your personal space can serve as a symbolic way to rid your mind of negative thoughts.

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Get curious about your feelings, validate them, and see how there are solutions available to you. Once your designated reflection time is up, commit to moving through your day with the positive energy of increased insight into the things that bring down your mood.

Paradoxically, you may find that by experiencing and appreciating your negative emotions instead of trying to escape them or drown in them, you start to feel wiser and stronger.

3. Adopt powerful mantras

Personal mantras are an excellent way to refocus and reaffirm relaxing, positive emotions. Some favorites are “Life starts now”, “Now is the only moment that matters”, “Life flows through me in this moment, and in each moment”, and “Everything I need already exists within me”. Pick a focus affirmation that resonates and feels most natural to you.

Whatever combination of words that feels right and good is your mantra. Your mantra can evolve over time to best suit you in any given moment or circumstance.

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Personal mantras are an excellent way to refocus and reaffirm relaxing, positive emotions.

4. Organize & declutter

Physical space allows room for mental space, so decluttering your personal space can serve as a symbolic way to rid your mind of negative thoughts. Pick one corner of the room or one drawer and begin to declutter or organize. The goal is to eliminate what no longer serves you.

Try the Marie Kondo approach and ask yourself honestly: “Does this Spark Joy?” If it doesn’t then thank it for serving its purpose, retire it, and allow yourself to let it go. Your newly cleansed and transformed physical space can help you feel lighter, calmer and more at ease.

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Decluttering your personal space can serve as a symbolic way to rid your mind of negative thoughts.

5. Give back to the universe during spring cleaning

Once you’ve decluttered and organized your space you may have some things to pass on that are still in good condition. By donating something, buying something or investing in something related to your own wellbeing you’re promoting the flow of money or things throughout the universe.

Why cling to something that you don’t need when it could flow through and potentially improve someone else’s life? Your conscientious donation aligns with and maintains the ever changing flow of the universe.

During this time remember to not only take care of your physical space but also your mental headspace. By not waiting until we’re in a desperate mental headspace, and instead committing to periodic spring cleaning “check ups” we can effectively reset and improve our mental health for free.

Your Turn: How do you like to spring clean your mindset? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

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Remembering and Returning to Joy https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/remembering-and-returning-to-joy/ https://www.claritytherapynyc.com/remembering-and-returning-to-joy/#respond Mon, 27 Apr 2020 19:18:15 +0000 https://claritytherapyonline.com/?p=2219 Many people think of joy as something that has to be searched for and attained, rather than something that is allowed and cultivated with intention.

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At first glance, it seems like we all have different goals, desires, and definitions of success, but there’s one thing we need to remember that we have in common: the desire to return to the experience of joy.

Indeed, a life purpose we share in our humanity is to return to joy.

Each day, we’re given the blessing of arising to a new morning. It’s as if the universe is conspiring for you to be happy. Look at how any child is born. We were not born on earth to live unhappy, unsatisfied, inauthentic, or fear-based lives. Every single one of us is meant to live a life filled with great happiness, joy, and fulfillment.

It’s easy to connect to joy during times of pleasure, success, well-being, happiness, and bliss, but what if we decided to hold joy in our hearts and live full lives regardless of circumstances?

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This belief is easier to remember and accept when life is happily progressing. However, when things go wrong, or when our world is suddenly turned upside down, it’s easy to get swept away by the idea that life is inherently messy, difficult, or unfair. Life is inevitably challenging, but it’s less so when we remember the truth of who we are.

With so much uncertainty and negativity permeating the current state of the world, it’s our job to vigilantly identify and recognize negative emotions as a sign that we have fallen out of alignment with this truth, and shift our energy and focus back to joy.

It’s easy to connect to joy during times of pleasure, success, well-being, happiness, and bliss, but what if we decided to hold joy in our hearts and live full lives regardless of circumstances?

Here are three tips on how to harness your inner strength and return to the joy you were born with.

 

1. Stop allowing outside circumstances to contaminate your well-being

Often we give our focus and attention to unhappy circumstances, and then wonder why we feel joyless. Especially during times of a global pandemic, we can count on catastrophic news reporting to inundate us with anxiety-provoking and disturbing facts.

Furthermore, with internet and news sources competing for our attention, we have access to all of the horrors of the world at the touch of a button. When we observe all of this injustice, violence, and chaos it can be easy to convince ourselves that there is no joy to be had and that the world is a dark and scary place.

On the contrary, misfortune is not the absence of joy. Joy is an indelible presence, always waiting underneath the surface for us to choose to see it.

Joy is an indelible presence, always waiting underneath the surface for us to choose to see it.
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The trick isn’t to simply stop tending to your problems, but rather to be conscientious of the effects those problems may be having on your psyche. You can be concerned and activated to act without being consumed by what’s going on around you. You can search for ways to get involved or take action, without running yourself ragged or neglecting yourself or falling into old patterns of self-betrayal.

Remember, prioritizing the joy in your own life contributes to the well-being of those around you and the world at large. In times of darkness, always look for the light. During this time, seek out positive news regarding the helpers and people donating their time, money, and other resources that contribute to the greater good.

2. Look for joy and positivity in obvious places

We often set our sights on the larger-than-life measures of success—money, glamour, status, and achievement—as indicators of how happy we should be. While there’s nothing wrong with having goals and striving for them, measuring the quality of your life with such benchmarks can actually push joy farther and farther away.

When we continue to tie happiness to some material items or point in the distant future, it remains just out of reach and pulls us out of living in the present.

Children are the masters of finding joy because they live in the present moment and focus their attention only on what makes them feel good and alive.

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Now that “The Great Pause” button has been pressed and our days are filled with uncertainty and monotony, these moments may seem even more elusive.

Challenge yourself to find joy in the simple things around you. Nature, having your needs met, kind gestures such as a nod from a stranger—each of these are invitations from the universe for you to wake up to the abundance already surrounding you.

Practicing gratitude is good for the mind, body, and soul and can reframe our negative perceptions. Comparison is, afterall, the thief of joy.

Reconnect with your inner child. Children are the masters of finding joy because they live in the present moment and focus their attention only on what makes them feel good and alive. Furthermore, when they don’t have something they want, they use their creativity to imagine it, and they find a way to have joy anyway.

What simple actions can you take today that make you feel this way despite your current situation?

Identifying these actions are a practical way to harness your inner strength and honor your needs.

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Mindfulness grounds us and gently encourages us to release the pain of the past and relinquish expectations of the future.

3. Practice mindfulness and positive affirmations

Because we live in a world in which we have access to a phenomenal amount of disaster news, it’s important to practice mindfulness and affirm what is right in the world in order to maintain a hopeful mindset.

Affirmations are great reminders of where joy lives: inside of us. They remind us of our true nature and connect us to the present moment. They are yet another reminder that we have everything we already need to cope and succeed.

Mindfulness has similar effects, grounding us and gently encouraging us to release the pain of the past and relinquish expectations of the future.

Many people live joyless lives because they think of joy as something that has to be searched for and attained, rather than something that is allowed and cultivated with intention.

Joy is the manifestation that indicates alignment with your true self; a joyful demeanor and perspective suggests that a person does not resist reality. It doesn’t operate in a state of resistance; the more you struggle to find it, the more it will likely elude you. By harnessing your inner strength and returning to joy, you can disrupt negativity and inspire harmony and peace.

Your Turn: Let us know how you harness your inner strength and return to joy in the comments below.

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