Individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community share many common issues, sometimes unrelated to their sexuality and identity. Oftentimes, one might come to therapy with relationship issues, identity issues, self-esteem concerns, and more. Despite the reasons that might bring someone to therapy, it is important to know that the therapist will be supportive, compassionate, and accepting. The understanding behind LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy is that a therapist will provide a space that feels welcoming and comfortable.

What is LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy?

LGBTQIA + Affirmative Therapy is defined as the acknowledgment and acceptance of a person’s sexual orientation and identity, working toward developing a better sense of self, building authenticity, and strengthening one’s voice.

Affirmative Therapy adds an important layer that’s often missing from traditional forms of therapy. Affirmative Therapy was developed to address the unique emotional and mental health needs of members of the LGBTQIA+ community as well as provide acceptance and support.

Why do members of the LGBTQIA+ Community Seek Out Therapy?

The level of mental health issues in the LGBTQIA+ community is significantly higher compared to levels among cisgender peers. This is true at every stage of life, from childhood through the end of life.

LGBTQ individuals seek out therapy for a wide range of mental health issues seen in the general community such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and trouble with intimate relationships.

LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy is defined as the acknowledgment and acceptance of a person’s sexual orientation and identity, working toward developing a better sense of self, building authenticity, and strengthening one’s voice.

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However, being queer can often pose challenges to finding basic healthcare, let alone mental health services. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to find mental health therapists who are affirming or even just trained to work with members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

However, LGBTQ-Affirmative Therapists are also trained to handle the unique mental health challenges of sexual minorities that drive them to seek therapy. Some examples include:

• Struggles with gender identity
• Internalized messages about gender expression
• Combining religious beliefs with their identity and lifestyle
• Tense familial relationships
• Rejection and discrimination resulting from mainstream belief systems
• Hurtful core beliefs
• Complex trauma
• Limited contact with friends and community

What are the key parts of LGBTQ-Affirmative Therapy?

Through LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy, a person can potentially navigate their life in a more meaningful and constructive way. The following are key parts of affirmative practices:

Creating a Safe Space

Creating a safe space is arguably the most important first step to therapy. LGBTQIA+ individuals should not feel judged or unwelcomed in any place, especially not in therapy, where individuals often disclose sensitive and confidential information.

To create a safe space, it’s important to be aware of one’s needs and wants prior to starting therapy. For example, some clients might prefer a therapist of a specific gender, age range, or with political views aligned to their own.

Once in the therapy room, it might be important to discuss preferred pronouns, any special accommodations, and other conditions that could contribute to creating a safe space. What seems to be most important to many clients is the trust and an alliance that’s built into the work. Although it can take time to build trust and alliance, clients usually have a sense of it early on.

Fostering Trust

Harnessing a trusting environment is a key component to therapy. One must feel that they trust their therapist enough to disclose very personal and difficult issues. Some issues that LGBTQIA+ Affirmative therapists might help with include:

• Relationship issues
• Intimacy concerns
• Dating
• Coming out
• Gender and sexual identity
• Sexual orientation
• Confidence issues
• Internalization
• Contradictory beliefs
• Trauma

These issues can often lead to negative feelings, so it’s important that trust is built in therapy so that the focus can be on helping individuals deal with some of these concerns. A question you might ask yourself after seeing a therapist for a few sessions might be, “Do I feel comfortable with this person?” and “Do I get the sense that this person understands my issues?”

The therapeutic relationship can hopefully become an alliance where the individual feels that they are supported, connected, and celebrated.

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Having an Ally

After establishing a safe space and building trust, the therapeutic relationship can hopefully become an alliance where the individual feels that they are supported, connected, and celebrated. Having an ally is an important component to therapy in order to address many of the issues above.

By having an LGBTQ+-Affirming therapist, the therapy can be catered to the individual’s specific needs and issues. While individuals can work with any therapist, having a therapist who understands the issues that the LGBTQIA+ community faces can result in a more validating and rewarding experience.

How to find LGBTQIA+ affirmative mental health care

Research clearly shows that people identifying as LGBTQIA+ tend to experience higher rates of mental health issues at every stage of life. However, there is still a shortage of therapists who are trained to provide Affirmative Therapy. 

LGBTQ affirmative therapists create a safe space in which gender and identity are not pathologized. Instead, affirmative therapists validate and advocate for individuals with minority identities regarding sexuality, gender identity, gender expression, and more. 

If working with an LGBTQ-Affirmative Therapist is important to you, don’t compromise. There are several ways to make sure someone has LGBTQIA+ Therapy experience. Some steps include:

• Looking for therapy practices that offer this specialty 
• Asking for referrals from well known organizations
• Reading a therapist’s bio to learn about their background and training
• Asking any therapist you meet with about minority groups they’ve worked with, their beliefs about the LGBTQIA+ community, and their overall approach

Seeking therapy to support personal growth takes bravery and courage. You have the right to be seen, heard, acknowledged, and celebrated for who you are. 

Clarity Therapy NYC provides LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy in NYC and throughout the state of New York. Contact us to find a therapist who would be a good fit for you and to set up a free consultation. 

After centuries of trauma and oppression, the impact of racism in the United States is finally being brought to light.  Racism is systemically ingrained in our society and has led to generations of race-based trauma.  While the racist activity of today is often less blatant and overt than in the past, technology has provided an outlet for both blatant and subtle racism via cybervictimization and bullying.

Cyberbullying and cybervictimization are terms that can be used interchangeably to describe acts of harm towards others online.  However, cybervictimization may also refer to the longer-lasting consequences as a result of cyberbullying, such as race-based trauma.  Cyberbullying is often mistakenly thought to be a problem exclusive to youth.  However, it occurs across all age groups, perhaps even more so in racially-motivated ways.

What is race-based trauma?

Race-based trauma is a form of complex, internal traumatic responses resulting from overt, covert, and systemic acts of racism.  Race-based trauma is chronic and tends to include experiences such as hypervigilance, fear, feeling “on-edge,” irritability, depression, trouble concentrating, and distrust.  These responses have been learned as a means of survival in a society where people of color are not treated with the same value as the majority.

Recent events have extubated traumatic experiences.  With the recent killings of Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Ahmaud Arbery, Black individuals are being reminded of how unsafe society can be for them.  Oftentimes, emotional reactions are dismissed or invalidated by those in positions of privilege.  Other times, the idea of systemic racism is denied altogether.  This invalidation, known as gaslighting, adds fuel to fire of race-based trauma.

For a more in-depth look at race-based trauma and how to cope, see my previous post, 6 Ways to Cope with Race-Based Trauma.

How cyberbullying plays a part

The internet provides many outlets for overt and covert racism to occur. Overt racism includes acts such as verbal abuse, racial slurs, and acts of violence. Covert racism includes subtle acts to subvert, distort, restrict, and deny racial minorities access to societal privileges and benefits. This can include microaggressions, which by nature are difficult to detect as they include subtle messages and behaviors that highlight racist attitudes. These often involve harmful assumptions about black people or the denial of equitable opportunities.

With the veil of anonymity and sense of safety behind the screen, individuals have an easier time displaying both overt and covert racism, even in actions that are deemed socially unacceptable by today’s standards. Acts of cyberbullying can occur on an individual, group, or systemic level.

With the veil of anonymity and sense of safety behind the screen, individuals have an easier time displaying both overt and covert racism, even in actions that are deemed socially unacceptable by today’s standards.

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Common acts of race-based cybervictimization and cyberbullying include racist memes and jokes, overt abuse and racist remarks directed towards an individual of color, racist remarks directed towards an ethnicity or racial group, derogatory comments or jokes made about victims of racism (i.e. jokes about the death of George Floyd), white supremacist groups and forums, sharing inaccurate or biased information against people of color, defamation, denial of racism, censoring the voices of people of color, and invalidating expressions of pain and injustice from people of color.

Race-based cybervictimization can be isolating and disempowering. It often removes the ability to defend oneself, and the perpetrator may receive no consequence for their actions. The acts of racism may also be publicized.

The power imbalance, lack of defense, and lack of consequences of cyberbullying are as profound as the overt racism from decades prior. Research is currently underway that suggests that Black people are especially prone to race-based trauma and cybervictimization. Compared to other ethnic groups, Black people may be the most likely to experience acts of race-based cyberbullying. Black people may also experience the strongest traumatic effects due to it. Research also shows that the effects of cybervictimization can be as profound as any trauma leading to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In general, cyberbullying can lead to serious mental health consequences. These can include:

Those who experience cyberbullying are also more likely to drop out of school or experience challenges at work.

Cyberbullying does not need to be directed at an individual.  As mentioned, it can happen on a group or systemic level as well.  Gaslighting is a major problem when dealing with these levels of cybervictimization.  For example, let’s say you come across a racist joke or meme posted by a friend on social media.  This is a form of cyberbullying and cybervictimization.  Perhaps this joke upset you, and you express your feelings about it to this person.  The person may respond with something similar to, “It was just a joke” or “you’re being too sensitive.”  This is a form of gaslighting, which further contributes to race-based trauma. This contributes to  an individual questioning their lived experience, authentic emotions, and having to manage legitimate levels of outrage out of concern about how they may be perceived.

Coping with cybervictimization

One problem that people of color, especially women, have to deal with is the idea of always having to be “strong.” Well-intentioned people may try to empower people of color by saying something like, “You’re so strong” in situations of adversity. While it may be true, it can also be exhausting to constantly live up to the idea of being a strong person. This can also be a harmful race-based trope of the “strong black woman.” While the intention is to empower the individual, it can oftentimes take away the reality and space which allows individuals to be a full human, that is allowing for moments of strength and vulnerability.

It also contributes to and plays on the fact that black women have had to be strong figures within the family unit due to direct and indirect impacts of chattel slavery, Jim Crow laws, and mass incarceration. Kind sentiments also do little to change systemic racism. It is OK to be tired of always having to be strong and it’s OK to not always be strong.

Here are some tips for coping with cybervictimization:

1. Recognize and avoid self-blame and internalization
2. Remove the harm from your environment
3. Find social support
4. Connect with empowering organizations and online communities

1. Recognize and avoid self-blame or internalization

Cybervictimization is always the fault of the perpetrator.

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When we are on the receiving end of cybervictimization, we often become more critical of ourselves. If bullying occurs on an individual-level, we may wonder if we did something to deserve it, or regret standing up for ourselves. Cybervictimization is always the fault of the perpetrator. Being aware of this practice, and stopping ourselves when we notice it, can reduce the internalization of these experiences.

3. Find social support.

Connecting with supportive friends and family is absolutely vital to well-being. It is even more important when dealing with trauma of any form.

Connecting with supportive friends and family is absolutely vital to well-being.

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Online support groups can also help. DailyStrength.org has support groups dedicated to a wide range of issues, including cyberbullying. Connecting with a counselor is also helpful.

4. Connect with empowering organizations and online communities.

There are many organizations dedicated to empowering people of color. To find an organization, see the articles 28 Organizations that Empower Black Communities, 50 WOC-led Organizations in the U.S. That We Should Support, and 11 Hispanic and Latino Organizations Everyone Should Know.

Finding a therapist

When searching for a therapist, it is important to find someone who you feel is a valuable ally. If a therapist is of a different racial or ethnic background than you, it is good to explore their stance on anti-racism. It is also OK to inquire about what they have done to fight against racism. It is important to feel comfortable with your therapist, so don’t be afraid to ask.

It’s important that you feel heard, seen, and understood in your lived experience by your therapist.

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It is also OK to request a therapist of the same racial or ethnic background as you. Being able to voice your needs means that you empower yourself in your journey to improved emotional wellbeing. After all, the relationship and rapport you have with your therapist is key to your success in therapy. It’s important that you feel heard, seen, and understood in your lived experience by your therapist. Finding the right therapist means finding an unconditional source of support and genuine connection.

The Bottom Line

You deserve to feel heard, be valued, and feel safe online. Many resources are available to combat race-based trauma and cybervictimization, and you never have to deal with the trauma alone. While technology has allowed cybervictimization to occur, it also provides avenues and opportunity to fight against it.

Your Turn: Have you experienced cyberbullying due to your race or ethnicity? How did you handle it? Share what helped you to cope in the comments below.

While COVID rates in the United States seem to be decreasing, the global count continues to rise, and international travel remains difficult. While much of the media’s focus this spring and summer has been on COVID-19 infections and deaths, it’s important to remember that a secondary cost of the pandemic has been the impact of lockdowns and social isolation on mental health. These impacts often manifest in increased loneliness or feelings of homesickness, especially for those who live apart from their families, homeland and culture. 

How is homesickness different from loneliness?

While homesickness and loneliness can feel familiar, there are subtle differences in these emotional responses. Homesickness is a yearning for reconnection to a place or person that provides us with a sense of stability and comfort. While the feeling is often associated with a physical space or locale, it can also be related to a community or culture that is geographically dispersed. Loneliness, however, is a feeling of disconnect from those around us.

This distinction explains why someone might feel homesick when away from their family or childhood home, but why people are also capable of feeling lonely when around others or in their own homes. It’s important to remember that homesickness and loneliness are natural responses, and that significant life changes or transitions, such as those brought on by a pandemic, often cause instinctual feelings of disconnection.

While many families are learning to connect across digital platforms, people with families in different time zones may find it harder to coordinate virtual social gatherings.

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For immigrants, and people living outside their country of origin, feelings of loneliness and homesickness may be exacerbated—especially given current guidelines on global travel. Sometimes when we have family that live outside of the country, it can be difficult to feel connected to them. While many families are learning to connect across digital platforms, people with families in different time zones may find it harder to coordinate virtual social gatherings.

Zoom happy hours and morning FaceTime check-ins become more difficult when you’re navigating multiple time zones. I often recommend letter-writing and postcards as a way to connect with family outside of the U.S., explaining that these thoughtful activities can create a greater sense of bonding and often feels more intimate.

While apps like Zoom, WhatsApp, Skype, and Google Hangouts are most frequently used for live interactions, you can also send pre-recorded video or audio recordings to family and friends abroad. Recording a vlog or oral history of your day or week may feel more meaningful than a regular text or voicemail. Perhaps a nighttime recap or plans for the upcoming day can create a sense of inclusion if shared with loved ones.

Homesickness is a natural response that may be a signal to seek support

Homesickness for your country of origin or cultural heritage may be accompanied by feelings of disconnection from your current country of residence. This emotional response is also natural, and may manifest as feeling that we are not understood or seen by those around us. For this reason, it’s important to seek out communities, groups, or spaces where there is common ground, and opportunities for peer support.

While in-person interactions are still risky, many cultural clubs, local organizations, and support groups have taken their activities online. Connecting with communities and groups in your area does not mean you need to ignore or reject your feelings of homesickness. We do this not in an effort to dismiss the yearning for family in a different country, but to remind ourselves of the various connections we can make today.

Connecting with communities and groups in your area does not mean you need to ignore or reject your feelings of homesickness.

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The pandemic has forced many people to remain physically distant from friends and family, but it’s increasingly important to remember that safe and risk-mitigating opportunities for socialization still exist. The term “social distancing” is in many ways a misnomer, and some have misinterpreted the term to mean that all social connections should be severed. Of course most of us don’t actually want to do that, but the subconscious implications can often lead us in that direction. I prefer the term “physical distancing” given this practice may be a part of daily life for months and even years to come as reminders to stay connected to our support networks. 

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Find comfort by cultivating your own meaning of “home” 

Apps and technology that allow for social connection are crucial right now, but remember that connections to home can also be forged internally. Remind yourself of who your resources and support networks are, at times when you feel alone, or keeping a list that you can refer back to. Sometimes the simple reminder that a support network exists can be enough. 

We can often cultivate the energy of someone’s presence and the sense of “home” in the ways we make space for it in our immediate surroundings. If you’re struggling with feelings of homesickness or loneliness, meditate on the meaning of the word home, and consider what it means to you. Telling yourself, “I have everything I need inside me,” can be a helpful strategy when feelings of yearning are present.

We often forget that the feeling of “home” can be cultivated within ourselves. By making space for these feelings, we are welcoming all parts of ourselves into the present moment. That in itself can sometimes give us a sense of home or belonging, because it reminds us that when we welcome all parts of ourselves – even the discomfort of homesickness – that we are still whole, complex humans.

Your Turn: Have you or someone you love ever experienced homesickness? Share what helps you cope in the comments below.

Our nation is in the throes of a powerful social movement—one that’s been determined, in fact, to be one of the largest in U.S. history.

With the recent and tragic deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and other black Americans killed while going about their daily lives, the Black Lives Matter movement has been at the forefront of personal, corporate, and legislative conversations.

While the world grapples with issues of systemic injustice, it’s important to keep in mind how this unique form of trauma impacts the health of individuals who identify as BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and people of color).

Conversations around health disparities related to racism are entering the mainstream, in part because of the wildly disproportionate effects of COVID-19 that have been seen in racial and ethnic minority groups. It’s crucial that mental health is included in those conversations and, specifically, that people are taught to understand how race-based trauma impacts our immediate mental health, while also having greater, lasting health implications.

For example, we know that racism can profoundly impact our health. The stress of discrimination can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and even premature mortality. 

We also know that black Americans and other minorities receive inferior healthcare compared to their white counterparts. Black mothers are three to four times more likely to die due to complications in childbirth than white mothers. Even tennis champion Serena Williams, who attempted to alert her doctors of pre-existing issues after giving birth, wasn’t immune from this life-threatening bias.

What Is Race-Based Trauma? 

When people hear the word “trauma,” they often think of one single, dramatic, life-changing event or moment in time. Race-based trauma occurs much more insidiously, on a systemic level, and is experienced through both micro and macroaggressions. 

Race-based trauma refers to people of color’s reactions to dangerous events and experiences of racial discrimination. These events can have such a pervasive impact on an individual because of the subtle and nefarious nature of insidious trauma. 

The impact of race-based trauma can alter an individual’s perception of the world, their sense of self, and the nature of their relationships.

What Are Microaggressions? 

A microaggression is a subtle stab, often with language, that stems from a long history of oppression. It sends a hostile or negative message, and although these messages may appear harmless to outsiders (in fact, perpetrators may themselves be unaware of the biases reflected in such statements), they’re considered covert forms of discrimination. 

Microaggressions are sometimes so insidious that it’s possible that an individual experiencing them may not fully realize how internalizing them is negatively affecting their wellbeing.

One example of a microaggression would be a black woman being told in a surprised tone, “You’re so articulate.” On the surface, it seems the speaker is being complimentary, but the covert assumption is that as a black woman, you’re not supposed to be as intelligent or well-spoken as a white person. The speaker is inferring that they believed you to be one way and is surprised their assumption is untrue, simply based on the color of your skin. 

Worse yet, if the person perpetrating the microaggression is well-intentioned, as in the case of a friend or colleague, they may be shocked or confused if confronted on why these types of comments are damaging. Such conversations sometimes lead to the perpetrator unintentionally gaslighting the person of color: The burden of the interaction is redirected to the person of color, who further internalized that stress and trauma.

The world of dating provides another example of how insidious and subtle systemic racism can be.

Some of my BIPOC female clients tend to struggle with issues surrounding appearance and desirability, which is only amplified when dating. They begin to question their attractiveness compared to what are considered conventional white-European or otherwise Westernized standards of beauty. In our sessions, I help my clients explore their early experiences and where these feelings originated. 

From a young age, most people of color see that people in positions of power as well as ideal images of beauty look differently than they do. It’s no surprise, then, that feelings of inadequacy or self-esteem may arise as a result. Essentially, people of color have to grow up in a society that values things they don’t have.

What Are Macroaggressions?

Unlike microaggressions, which are more subtle or ambiguous, macroaggressions refer to overt forms of racial discimination such as verbal abuse, racials slurs, or hate crimes. In today’s world, macroaggressions are typically considered less socially acceptable, and for this reason may occur less frequently than microaggressions.

What Does Race-Based Trauma Look Like?

Race-based trauma can exhibit itself in many different forms. Here are some of the psychological symptoms commonly seen in individuals experiencing race-based trauma: 

Hypervigilance: Feeling on edge, distrustful, or the need to protect yourself when interacting with the world around you because there’s always a potential threat, whether it’s more subtle discrimination or outright violence.

Depression and Helplessness: Loss of hope in our elected officials, leaders, or community to effectively help and protect us. Trying to understand what this means for our own children or future generations and fearing that we may not be able to protect them.

Anger: Feelings of anger, rage, or sadness at the unchallenged system, community, and elected leaders who allow people of color to continue to be mistreated and killed. Also, anger that it’s taken so long for these issues to be brought to the forefront of conversations in the daily lives of others, when it’s been affecting people of color for generations.

Monitoring Your Authentic Self: We may begin to take great measures to change our behavior and stifle our emotions, or even valid reactions, in order to avoid being perceived as a negative stereotype.

Questioning Your Reality: Self-doubt and questioning one’s lived experience. It’s not uncommon to wonder, “Are the microaggressions or injustices I experience really that bad if they’re allowed to continue without anyone batting an eyelash? Am I just overreacting?”

6 Ways to Cope with Race-Based Trauma

It’s painstaking to learn how to thrive in a world that you’re told and shown is not made for you. The psychic energy required to maintain this level of hypervigilance merely to exist in this world as a person of color is physically exhausting. 

1. Gain Critical Consciousness
2. Flip the Narrative to Highlight Resilience
3. Develop Mindfulness and Objectivity
4. Take Social Action for Empowerment
5. Release Emotional Energy With Compassion
   
6. Radical Self-Care as a Method of Resistance

1. Start by Gaining Critical Consciousness.

Critical consciousness—the ability to identify and question systems of inequality—is one of the guiding principles of social justice teaching. By gaining an in-depth understanding of our social and historical experiences, we can begin to take action against oppression.

Put it into practice: In order to begin increasing our awareness to the power structures in our society, we can deconstruct racism by asking ourselves several questions:

1. Why does racism/inequality exist? 
2. Who is benefitting from this oppressive system?
3. How does it favor this group?
4. What allows this type of system to continue to thrive? 

2. Flip the Narrative to Highlight Resilience.

So often, the victors get to claim the narrative (Christopher Columbus, anyone?). This time, let’s flip the switch. Focus your attention not on your deficits but instead on your intrinsic value and strengths. Reject the negative story that’s being told to you that you’re somehow not adequate, and instead choose to highlight your resilience. You can do this by identifying the achievements and character strengths you’ve developed in spite of a system that is not built to help you thrive. 

Put it into practice: Ask yourself:

1. What have you accomplished despite all odds? 
2. What are your values that you’ve managed to uphold in the face of adversity?
3. What do you bring to the table, and with your unique position, can you help other people navigate these obstacles?

For every one person who does outwardly praise you on your strengths or accomplishments, there’s another five people who likely took note but never spoke up.

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The truth is that you may not feel 100% sure about yourself all of the time, and that’s okay, that’s also part of being human. What’s important to remember, however, as a person of color is that for every one person who does outwardly praise you on your strengths or accomplishments, there’s another five people who likely took note but never spoke up. 

Consider the uncomfortable task of standing up for yourself during an awkward or difficult interaction with a colleague during a work meeting. This may not seem to affect anyone but you on the surface, but this action can have a powerful ripple effect on observers. You never know who’s learning from your behavior and who you will positively impact. 

3. Develop Mindfulness and Objectivity.

Resist internalizing the micro- and macroaggressions you face. This, understandably, is incredibly difficult, and it’s usually more effective if done after working through the initial steps outlined above. A technique I like to use with my clients is imagining that you’re sitting on a riverbank watching your thoughts pass by as fish swimming downstream. 

This doesn’t mean giving the people or institutions who’ve wronged you a free pass; it means gaining distance from the situation by resisting internalizing the negativity. Being able to gain a bit of distance and objectivity when viewing our experiences helps decrease our emotional reactivity, which in and of itself is freeing. 

Put it into practice: Let’s take a negative interaction with a coworker or colleague as an example. By acknowledging that my coworker (who may or may not be knowingly racist) is a product of our flawed system, and that her insensitive comments aren’t a reflection of me or my worth—but, rather, her own limitations, upbringing, and blind spots—I can prevent myself from internalizing her hurtful comments and, therefore, feeling negatively about myself. 

I want to be clear that I’m not saying she doesn’t need to be held accountable for racist behavior, whether ignorant or malicious in intent. In fact, quite the opposite is true. The point of this exercise is to help you understand her behavior in a way that helps you distance yourself from it emotionally, which allows you to be freer with your energy. In this scenario, the perpetrator still has the option to learn, but the burden of that education is no longer placed on the person of color.

4. Take Social Action for Empowerment.

Find and join a local social justice group, either online or in person. It may initially feel like the first day of school, and it could take a couple of meetings or interactions to get to know others, and that’s okay. There’s strength and power in numbers. Get and stay connected to others who are just as passionate about social justice and putting their words to power. 

Put it into practice: Explore various racial equity groups in your area. Find ways to engage in advocacy, share testimony, or provide education on a topic you feel strongly about. Remember to stay safe if protesting in public, and use protective measures such as wearing a mask, maintaining distance when possible, and using hand sanitizer frequently.

“We inadvertently burden ourselves with unnecessary emotional labor when we assume malicious intent in others.”

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5. Extend Compassion to Yourself and Others by Releasing Emotional Energy.

Be gentle and patient with yourself. We didn’t choose our socialization or conditioning, yet we were all born into a society that sets us up with systems of privilege and oppression. Because of this, we’re all collectively grappling with our individual racial identities, some for the very first time. 

Extending compassion to others isn’t the same as excusing or condoning terrible behavior. By extending compassion to others, we in turn extend compassion to ourselves. We inadvertently burden ourselves with unnecessary emotional labor when we assume malicious intent in others.

This can be an especially challenging exercise, though, and one that puts undue emotional labor on people of color. It may not be the right exercise for everyone. But for those who are able and willing to put in the work, the benefits can make it deeply worthwhile.

A good way to think about this exercise is with a “both–and” approach. For instance, you can acknowledge that you and the other person—as a non-BIPOC individual—are socialized in a way that one or both of you may not completely understand the things that upset, anger, and harm you. While extending compassion to the other person and realizing that they’re working on their progress, you can still safeguard yourself. 

You can step back in ways that protect your mental and physical health while also believing in their growth.

 Put it into practice: Acknowledge that nobody is perfect, including ourselves. This permission to be human, flawed, and at whatever stage of awakening in our racial identity, can help us stay sane by reducing stress levels and decreasing negative emotional energy. I often tell my clients that they can think of self-compassion by imagining they’re running a marathon.

You can run the entire marathon thinking self-defeating thoughts such as, “I’m slow, I’m in pain, I hate this, when will this be over?” Or you can be your own cheerleader when things feel tough, highlight the reasons to be grateful (“I get to run—my body is healthy and able” vs. “I have to run—this is hard and painful”), and find joy in the journey. Either way, you’re going to finish the marathon, but the attitude you choose to endure during the race is entirely up to you. 

6. Radical Self-Care as a Method of Resistance.

When we think of self-care, we often think of taking a day off from work to do something fun or pamper ourselves. But self-care can be much simpler and more straightforward. Find what brings you joy and what nurtures you, and reach for it in times of need. Do you love listening to music from the early ’90s? Getting some fresh air in nature after being in a cramped apartment all day? Being creative? Talking to friends, or talking to no one, if that’s what you need? 

Put it into practice: Make note of what nurtures your soul and consciously pull out these tools any time you need a mental break or require an emotional shift. Remember, you don’t have to have to shell out for a full-service spa day just to take care of yourself. For some of us, when we’re feeling particularly out of sorts, it can be as simple as making sure we’re sticking to a regular sleep and meal schedule that helps us get back to feeling a bit more human.

Practicing self-care is a way to de-stress, which combats some of the worst consequences of racism. After all, living as a minority within a system that wasn’t created for your survival is in itself an act of resistance. We need to nurture and care for ourselves as we do it.

By extending compassion to others, we in turn extend compassion to ourselves.

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Feeling Outrage Over the Lack of Outrage

Many of us may have for the first time experienced an outpouring of support as Black Lives Matter gained traction around the world this summer. For some of us, this may have been a frustrating or even angering experience. Suddenly, white colleagues, friends, and community are reaching out to check in on me and are apparently going through their own “journey” of uncovering their white privilege. Why now? Where was this outrage when this happened to Eric Gardner, Sandra Bland, or Treyvon Martin? What about Ferguson?

It’s normal to feel frustrated that the world has been asleep at the wheel while we’ve been suffering. And it’s infuriating to know that I will always have to work more than other people at this. However, something that helps me is finding this balance between acceptance and extending compassion. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel frustrated that it took so long for people’s eyes to finally be opened. My negative emotions are still real, and they deserve their own space. Working consciously to approach my own journey and that of others with compassion just helps to make this difficult process a little bit easier. 

At the end of the day, I want to make sure I welcome those who join us in this long fight with open arms, even if they are a bit late to the party. 

Your Turn: How have you been combatting the effects of race-based trauma and stress? I’d love to know what’s been helpful and healing for you, so feel free to share in the comments below.

Many of the tips outlined in this article require patience, as well as continuous practice and growth. Working with an affirming therapist can be helpful in this journey, along with tapping into any other loving support systems you may have.

You’ve got yourself a nice job at a design firm. People are following you on social media, and some of them even message you when they need creative inspiration.

That’s all great, except you feel like you’re hiding a secret: You’re not really the talented and creative person everyone thinks you are. You’re obviously faking it, and it’s just a matter of time before you’re found out. You cringe when someone praises your work because you think it was a fluke that it went viral.

This kind of thinking is called imposter syndrome, which is a bigger problem these days than ever before. Let’s take a closer look at imposter syndrome, along with tips for dealing with it.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Usually, when you think of successful people, you probably think of them as confident with their abilities. But imposter syndrome is borne of success and affects those who have achieved status.

Those suffering from imposter syndrome may live in fear that they’ll be “found out” and experience feelings of inadequacy despite their professional accomplishments. They often chalk up all of their success to luck or “the universe” doing them a favor.

Imposter syndrome is borne of success and affects those who have achieved status.

If you have these types of thoughts, you’re not alone. Some big-name celebrities have spoken out about their perceived inadequacy, even those who have had long and successful careers.

It’s not a new phenomenon: Imposter syndrome has been researched and written about as far back as 1978. The focus of the early studies was on women, who were thought to be affected by it more than men due to gender roles. But it turns out both genders are equally affected (if not more men.)

While it’s not classified as a mental illness, imposter syndrome does share some attributes with depression or anxiety.

Now that you know a little more about the imposter complex, here are some ways you can deal with it.

5 Tips for Dealing With Imposter Syndrome?

Tip 1. Embrace Your Victories
Tip 2. Don’t Look to Others for Validation
Tip 3. Don’t Overestimate Your Importance
Tip 4. Raise the Bar
Tip 5. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

Tip 1. Embrace Your Victories

You might have had help from a team to accomplish a goal, but that doesn’t lessen your own success. If you were on a basketball team that won the championship, and you gave it your all on the court, would you refuse to hoist the trophy?

Instead of shooing away people who send praise your way, simply thank them.

You might deflect compliments on your success by reflex. But instead of shooing away people who send praise your way, simply thank them. Avoid the “it wouldn’t have been possible without this other person” narrative. Chances are that without you, the project wouldn’t have worked out the same way.

Tip 2. Don’t Look to Others for Validation

While it’s okay to take the praise of others as a feather in your cap, you shouldn’t consider it a barometer for your abilities. You may be creating amazing work and then feel like it’s a failure because no one patted you on the back.

Sometimes your accomplishments won’t get the level of hype that others do. But that shouldn’t deter you. If you feel like you put in the effort and achieved the goal you set out to do, that should be enough.

Tip 3. Don’t Overestimate Your Importance

A sense of self-esteem is key to your overall well-being. But when you think of yourself as perfect (an inflated sense of self-importance) or believe you’re usually the most valuable person in the room, you’re only setting yourself up for a letdown.

When you think of yourself as perfect, you’re only setting yourself up for a letdown.

That’s because if you achieve anything less than the standard you’ve set for yourself, you’re going to feel like a fraud. Perfection is unattainable, and even successful people have bumps in their professional road.

Tip 4. Raise the Bar

Your instinct with imposter syndrome might be to lower your standards before someone else notices that you’re not as good as you’re made out to be. However, that behavior’s not doing you any favors. You may become less satisfied with your work if it’s no longer challenging or not benefitting anyone.

Instead of taking on work that you think you can easily do to maintain your image, aim for new heights. If you fail, you’ll know it’s because you reached higher than you ever have before, and it might take a couple of leaps to get there. If you succeed, you won’t feel like an imposter at all.

Tip 5. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

You might think you need to be unflappable for people to take you seriously. Like, somehow, if you crack a joke at your own expense, they’ll roll their eyes and not think you’re talented anymore. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The first step in combatting imposter syndrome is recognizing these common shared experiences that make us human. With practice, implementing these tips can help lessen the hold your inner critic has over you. Similarly, you’ll begin to see an improvement in your ability to recognize and own your achievements without an ever-present shadow of self-doubt.

All people struggle, to some degree, with feelings of inadequacy. When left unchecked, these feelings can develop into a toxic belief system that tells us we’re defective, inherently bad, or just not good enough. Oftentimes, these beliefs start in childhood.  This can be especially true for members of socially marginalized groups, such as women, people of color, ethnic minorities, and the LGBTQ community.  Years of hurtful messages, bullying, rejection, discrimination, and threats of harm result in higher rates of mental health challenges in LGBTQ kids, teens, and adults. This post will focus on the basic human rights that all members of the LGBTQ community deserve. These basic human rights are essential to protecting LGBTQ mental health. 

LGBTQ Mental Health Risk Factors

It’s time to remember your infinite worth as a human being.

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Many members of the LGBTQ community grow up in households in which they’re ridiculed, rejected, or even abused for some aspect of their appearance, personality, or life choices.

Even for those with happy upbringings, feelings of low self-worth can bloom and run rampant as we grow older and are exposed to more negative experiences such as:

• Rejection
• Toxic relationships
• Damaging media narratives 
• Fewer educational, professional, and housing opportunities

When we accept toxic messaging as normal, we often wind up accepting unfair treatment, disrespect, and even threats to our emotional and physical wellbeing.  As a result, we’re at higher risk for ongoing mental health issues.

LGBTQ Mental Health Statistics

Members of the LGBTQ community experience mental health issues at a significantly higher rate than cisgender individuals. This is seen throughout the lifespan, from kids through the elderly.

Recent research shows us shocking statistics on the state of LGBTQ mental health:

• 40% of young LGBTQ people have considered suicide in the last year.  That number increases to over 50% for trans and nonbinary youths.
• 48% of LGBTQ youths reported engaging in self-harm in the past 12 months, including over 60% of transgender and nonbinary youths.
• 68% of LGBTQ youths reported symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder in the past two weeks, including more than 3 in 4 transgender and nonbinary youths.
• Older LGBTQ adults report significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression compared to their heterosexual peers.
• 53 percent of older LGBT people feel isolated.  They are more often estranged from family and have fewer friends. They are also are twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to live alone.
• 46% of LGBTQ youths reported that they wanted mental health treatment.  However, they couldn’t get services within the last 12 months. Two main reasons include lack of health insurance and unsupportive family members.
• The majority of healthcare providers are not properly trained to properly help and support the diverse needs of LGBTQ patients.  Repeated negative experiences with doctors and discrimination by health care settings can lead to avoidance of medical care — including mental health care.

The Need for LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy

These statistics further highlight the need for more funding for appropriate mental health programs and resources as well as LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy to protect people at every age. In LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy, there is an acknowledgment and acceptance of a person’s sexual orientation and identity.

The therapist provides a safe and welcoming space in which LGBTQ individuals can:

• Develop a better sense of self.
• Build authenticity.
• Learn to advocate for themselves.

LGBTQ Rights:  The On-Going Fight

As a society, we’ve taken great strides toward legal and institutional equality for members of the LGBTQIA community.  However, many people who identify as homosexual, bisexual, trans, or queer still live with an internalized sense of otherness or shame.

Even for those who are “out” and proud, it’s not uncommon for LGBTQ folk to feel pressure to conform, twist, or hide their identities, mannerisms, or partners in at least some social situations.  After years of having to hide and pretend in order to fit, mental health struggles can increase and take a toll on our health and quality of life. 

Many people navigate situations and circumstances every day that make them question themselves and their choice to live freely and authentically. These significant and harmful obstacles include a hostile work environment, judgmental familial atmosphere, discrimination in public and private organizations, and lack of consistent legal rights across states. 

If any of this sounds familiar: 

• You tend to bottle your feelings up in certain company.
• You make yourself small in social settings where you suspect your sexuality might be scrutinized.
• You feel unsafe being yourself.

It’s time to remember your infinite worth as a human being.

LGBTQ Mental Health Protective Factors

To build and benefit from protective factors, we need to counteract the negative messaging around us with explicitly supportive, nurturing, and affirming messaging.  This needs to start in childhood and continue throughout people’s lives. Otherwise, feelings of inadequacy may easily take over our minds and emotions.  Then, they begin to feel normal.  When this happens, positive mental health outcomes are even less likely. 

To combat the normalization of low self-worth, we must remind ourselves of our Bill of Rights. Simply put, the LGBTQ Bill of Rights is a personalized list of affirmations curated to assert your birth-given right to certain truths.

Below, find the LGBTQ Bill of Rights to help you remember your worth and assert yourself with healthy boundaries.

The LGBTQ Bill of Rights

As a member of the LGBTQ community, I’m allowed to:

love who I love

exist outside of socially accepted standards of gender identification

exist outside of socially accepted standards of sexual orientation

challenge laws, authorities, and institutions that threaten my right to be myself

be unapologetic in my choices

feel safe and at ease in any environment

excuse myself from any environment or situation that makes me feel unsafe, threatened, or disrespected

keep my sexual preferences as public or private as I like

love and live loudly and without apology

be exploring who I am

be sure about who I am

explore the spectrum of sexuality and self-expression

dress in whatever clothing feels comfortable and pleasing to me

enjoy the benefits of monogamy, marriage, and long-term partnership like anyone else

expect acknowledgment and respect from my family

expect acknowledgment and respect from my partner’s family

end relationships that have not evolved to embrace my authentic self

mend relationships that are important to me

be a parent and raise healthy, well-rounded children

choose my preferred gender pronouns

be more than my sexual or gender identification

Protect Your Right to Live Your Life On Your Terms

It’s my sincerest hope that you’ll keep this expression of an LGBTQ Bill of Rights close to your heart. Feel free to add to it whichever truths move your spirit.

Remember, while we must respect our own rights, we also must respect the rights of others to be their authentic selves.  As long as we’re not harming another individual, we each have the right to think, speak, and do in a way that genuinely reflects our purest nature.